I have something I really need to get off my chest – Oh the sweet irony. I realise I’m going out on a limb here and will quite possibly receive some hate mail after publishing this, but I just have to say it: If I see or read one more post about #BreastfeedingInPublic I’m going to have to stage some kind of a mass intervention. Oh wait, that’s what this is! It’s a message to the public asking everyone to get a grip and well, calm their titties. Please guys just here me out.
I’m pleading with you to move on from all the passive aggressive behavior, defensiveness and disrespect that has edged its way into our society over the last few years. It’s a shout out to all the breastfeeding moms to say, “Keep feeding your babies, but PLEASE stop getting your knickers (and bra’s) in such a knot”.
I love that we have taken a stand, believe me I do. I love it that most women have come together on the subject and stood up for their right to breastfeed their baby anywhere they choose. I love it that we have stood up to the bullying and some pretty harsh and stupid opinions. I mean that’s what the mamahood is about right? Joining forces and standing up for issues that are close to our hearts.
But I beg you please, can we all just carry on breastfeeding our babies without having to post pictures of ourselves doing it with the hashtag #normalisebreastfeeding attached to it? Nobody should have to normalise breastfeeding, it’s one of the most natural and beautiful things in the world. It’s the public part that some people just may have an issue with. And not all of those people are trying to be assholes about it.
I don’t think a group of people woke up one morning and said breastfeeding is gross and if I see a woman breastfeeding in public today I’m going to give her a piece of my mind. I find it highly improbable that someone opened their eyes one day while waiting in line for their popcorn at the movies and thought That woman over there has some serious nerve, why can’t she do that home??
I mean I’m sure there are some legitimate douche bags out there who, are asking for a well deserved slap across their face for voicing their wacked opinions, but I really don’t think that the majority of people who have opinions on the subject are really as evil as they are made out to be.
At the end of the day there are so many factors that play a role. Too many for there to ever be a clear-cut way to deal with the issue at hand, but many that I believe haven’t been considered by the avid public breastfeeders among us. Have you ever stopped to wonder what some of these factors may be?
Some people may be old-fashioned or little conservative, some may be particularly private. Some may find it offensive to the privacy of their relationship, or the fundamentals of their religion. Some may find it contradicts the culture in which they have been brought up, but I don’t think they are all evil scumbags who deserve to die a long and painful death. (Seriously I read a comment on a thread once where this was what this lovely young woman told a guy who said he didn’t mind women breastfeeding in public but felt there was a simple solution to cover up. She felt he deserved to die because it made him uncomfortable. Turns out he was a particularly religious man who didn’t want other men seeing his wife’s breasts either while she nursed their kids. He felt it was disrespectful to his wife and their religious beliefs.
It’s as though some women have become so aggressive and angry in their fight to advocate nursing in public that they have forgotten the more fundamental issues at hand: respect and consideration. Consideration for other people’s systems of belief.
I just think if women were really focusing on feeding their baby instead of trying to prove a point and make history by not covering up, people would be more inclined to just move on. (*There’s nothing to see here folks!) There is a major difference between breastfeeding your baby in public and throwing all discretion to the wind and popping your melons out in the mall’s food court.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/06/public-breastfeeding-awareness-project-photos_n_5651252.html
It almost seems like the more women are trying to normalize breastfeeding in public the more they are trying to get a reaction by making a point to not discreetly feed their baby but rather whip their boobs out with very little thought to those around them.
This girl is apparently staring at a woman who is shaking her head at her. Seems to me she is really trying to rub it in and show the woman whose boss! Source in link.
These, Um…. let’s call them PABIPA’s (Passive-Aggressive Breastfeeding In public Advocates) sit in the mall and on the beach or in the 5pm queue at supermarkets taking selfies of themselves, of their babies drinking from their breasts with men wearing suits in the background. Pictures that could be beautiful in the right context no doubt (like at home without hairy strangers in the background), but pictures, which have now been turned into a fight for justice. Pictures that have just been posted to prove a point.
When they get home they quickly upload the picture to Insta with the hashtag #Normalisebreastfeeding, hoping that they are going to make waves in breastfeeding history. And while all the other PABIPs agree whole heartedly with their #BreastIsBest and #TheyCantSilenceUs support, they wait to get taken apart by the rest of the world who don’t want lactating boobs in their face while they are buying their bread and milk. And let’s not forget the odd troll who literally sits there just waiting for those pictures to be uploaded so he can rip them apart the way only a troll knows how.
And then of course you get the staged videos where they make comparisons between a sexy girl with cleavage and a breastfeeding mom, both sitting on a bench. You guys know those videos are staged right? You know this guy on the train staged the whole thing to see what people’s response would be? And if you watch the video this women was perfectly covered up. Seems to me people are just stirring the pot to create a scene, because lets face it, what would Facebook be without some juicy, opinionated breastfeeding drama?
Is Rhiana the new benchmark we compare all moral and social issues? Because I would never dress like that either.
We don’t need to dig very deep to realize that the people who don’t have a problem with a girl wearing a low top but find breastfeeding disgusting are really just the product of a twisted society. Their opinions shouldn’t matter. The problem is this though: Just because society has twisted people s misconceptions about what is morally and socially acceptable when it comes to exposing our breasts in public, does not make it acceptable. Just because Riri wears a dress that shows off her boobs does not automatically mean we should all be free to expose parts of our bodies that we normally wouldn’t. Breastfeeding is practical and vital yes, but it’s also a very sacred part of the bonding between you and your baby that doesn’t need to involve the rest of your male community.
The same way I wouldn’t want my guy friends and male family members seeing me topless, I wouldn’t feel comfortable exposing my breasts while feeding my babies. I know my husband would find it pretty uncomfortable if one of my friend’s exposed themselves this way while he were in the room. He’s not a perverted twisted man who needs to have his head checked, he’s just respectful to other women’s privacy. Call us modest and old-fashioned but I guess that’s just how we feel. Just to point out, he still supports breastfeeding for all women and loved and supported my breastfeeding journeys from beginning to end.
I breastfed both my babies and yes often that called for having to feed them in public. I used a very beautifully made lightweight feeding apron that didn’t smother my babies face or prevent him from eating with dignity. I made sure I covered myself appropriately, as best I could while still ensuring my precious bundle was nourished and fed. I don’t remember EVER having anyone say anything rude or suggest I leave a restaurant. I also don’t remember any inappropriate stares or snide remarks. And I certainly don’t remember resorting to sitting on a public toilet. SIES! For the record, I breastfeed both my boys on-the-go for 2 years!
*Sidenote: Woolworths lounges were my saving grace and their Honey Nut Lattes changed my life.
If any mom has ever had to do this, I am appalled and pray you never feel you have to do that again!
Look I know I’m going out on limb here and risking some harsh judgement, but I can’t help but think it’s just become such a huge social media war. All over Instagram you see women fighting the good fight and taking a stand. Has it not been taken a step too far? Nobody is saying don’t feed your baby; some people are maybe just a little uncomfortable with a strangers boobs out in the open. In any context.
I love breastfeeding and completely advocate all that it entails. Breastfeeding is beautiful and no, nobody should ever make you feel ashamed of it and nobody has the power or the right to do that. But please mamas, lets look at things from the other side of the coin and not turn these beautiful and sacred breastfeeding years into ‘making history’ posts and silly demonstration wars.
Breastfeed your baby in public, you don’t need society to normalize it. Breastfeed your baby without feeling you need to prove a point to a society that is already so backward. Breastfeed your baby without feeling you need to defend your choice, but also breastfeed your baby with respect to others around you. It’s really that simple.
If you really want to see big changes without spending all your energy on demonstrations and making banners, push your local mall to create feeding facilities for moms – specially designated areas where moms are welcome to sit and chill on comfortable couches and enjoy a cup of tea. If you really are keen to fight the good fight then put your energy into getting a petition signed by your community to see practical changes implemented. Ones that will find a mutually respectful solution to the problem.
I know we can all get carried away as moms and feel the need to fight for justice on so many of these social issues, but ladies its time we realise that it’s not always just about us and our feelings. Stand strong in your convictions like you always have but remember we all come from different walks of life and if we all learn to respect those differences we may see more positive change around these issues. Normalising breastfeeding is not the issue here. Perhaps respect and tolerance is.
Hi I’m Leigh! Did you enjoy reading this post? I really hope so and would love you to stick around a little longer! Please feel free to browse my blog for other articles or to keep up with all the latest news and to be the first to hear about some great competitions, come and find me me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also email me directly at leeloobaggins@hotmail.com or simply subscribe below and never worry about missing out!
I agree with u but haven’t had the guts to say it. To me the naked or in underwear feeding pictures are really weird. How is a woman reclining nude with her naked baby on instagram helping “fight the good fight”.
Disclaimer: I breast fed for a year and a half so I’m in no way anti
Totally agree. I only got to breastfeed for 4 months. Loved it, and fed whenever I was out, whether it be at a coffee shop, ww etc, but like you, covered myself and my baba – she loved it and was all cosy under there anyway. I often actually got compliments while I was feeding, because I think people felt they could actually talk to me instead of staring at my boob. Could have written your article myself! Thanks Leigh xx
You just don’t get it. All most women want to do is feed their hungry babies wherever they are. Time and time again, that right is denied to them. At the end of the day, the baby comes first. Period. Other people’s ‘feelings’ come last. Some babies, by the way, don’t like ANY covers. The campaign exists because other people DO make a fuss. Frequently. Separate areas don’t help. If anything they make it worse. We DO need society to normalise it. Not every mother is all that confident – how many never nursed, or cut it short because of judgement? This campaign will go away when people stop seeing breastfeeding as objectionable in any way.
I respectfully disagree. What about when your child refuses to be covered up but is hungry and there are no ‘facilities’ where you can go and ‘respectfully’ breastfeed your child? What about working moms who need to express at work but their coworkers are so grossed out by breastfeeding and expressing that they refuse to respect their right to feed their child in this manner – because breastfeeding is not normalized or generally accepted in many communities still. What about women who get treated badly by their families because they are criticized for choosing to breastfeed. Perhaps you have not experienced how upsetting it is to be treated as indecent for feeding your child. For feeling like somehow you are sexually indecent for something so innocent. Yes, some women go out of their way to not hide or cover themselves up just to make a point. But that is maybe because they want to pave the way for other women who may not be as brave as them and who would be afraid to feed their child in fear of a nip slip and being labeled an indecent exhibitionist. My experience of feeding in public, despite trying to be as discrete as possible (always covering up and using feeding rooms where possible) has not generally been a positive one and I have been met with many uncomfortable and sometimes judgey looks and comments. If I my reaction to the judgement had been more hurt than anger I may have had to give up breastfeeding or never leave the house. Perhaps if enough women drive home the point that breastfeeding isn’t sexual or gross the next generation will have a different experience.
Ok, so here’s my problem with the whole “I support breastfeeding, BUT…” argument. If you support a cause, there isn’t a “but”. Breastfeeding doesn’t need to be put into a “you have to do it this way or you’re disrespecting everybody” bubble. Please, stop. A truly experienced breastfeeder knows that not every child will accept being put under a cover, no matter how “light and airy” you think it may be. It’s more work for some to put up a full on fight with a child trying to use a cover, than to just FEED THEM!
Guess what.. If you don’t want to see someone nursing uncovered, then there is the simplest fix for it. Turn your head. BAM! Fixed!
I love how some of the “I support, but” crowd, makes it seem as though mothers are just popping out whole boobs most of the time, like LOOK AT MY BOOB EVERYBODY! Pretty sure that’s a nope!
I’ve not shared my breastfeeding photos on my FB feed, but certainly would not hate on anyone who did. Just like some things, whatever they may be, get you really passionate and excited, and you just want to share your joy with everyone, some mamas feel that way about their breastfeeding selfies. You can always un-follow them if you don’t want to see it in your feed..
Thankfully no one has dared say anything to me negatively while nursing in public, but others I know have not been so lucky. No, they were not exposing themselves to make a spectacle before feeding their children. Some people just need to respect that babies need to eat when they are hungry, and not when and how it’s convenient for some random stranger. Tell me, where is the respect for the hungry baby? Why make mothers feel like they are doing something wrong?
Breastfeeding has nothing to with respecting anyone, and everything to do with providing nutrition and comfort to a growing human being. Once people realize THAT, it will be normal.
I am a child rights advocate and a Dietitian working in public health nutrition. I say thank you to #normalisebreastfeeding,South Africa. Breastfeeding is finally getting the attention it deserves and its all thanks to moms who are braving the negative mass opinion and bearing it all….yes, in public to get public opinion and to generate public discourse. I have two kids of my own and I have worked in child nutrition since 1996 and never, never before has there been so much media attention on the subject. Viva #normalisebreastfeeding, South Africa. South Africa has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. For the past 15 years, the breastfeeding agenda has been dominated by HIV and now finally, we have one message for all moms, regardless of her HIV status….you all should be breastfeeding your babies and the more breastfeeding we see the normal it is! Not breastfeeding in cars, behind curtains and in toilets….breastfeedin public discreetly or overtly public….you choice no one else’s choice. Not even yours. Viva #normalisebreastfeeding, South Africa and YES, do bring on those selfies
I think you certainly have raised an important point. As moms we should be working to support each other. Laura wrote a good post once about why the mommy wars will never end: it is because the moms don’t want them to end. They like getting on the bandwagon of mob mentality without thinking for themselves. I am also pro breastfeeding but I certainly don’t like to shove my boobs in anyone’s face (except my boy to calm him down tonight when he couldn’t have his batman pants!)
Thank you for saying this!!! I couldn’t agree more! I breastfed my oldest for a year and my second child for 3 months. I often fed in public, but did it without making a big show of it and without showing cleavage. I never had any negativity shown towards me.
Hello ladies, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and opinions on the subject. I have spent much time mulling over the subject and trying to keep an open mind while take in all your comments. Remember, these are things that with time and more open discussion we are able to dissect and hopefully learn from each other. I admit that i’m still ‘learning” and not always right. I do have some strong convictions on certain things and I hope that thats ok too. (i guess thats what i love about having a blog, i can really say whats in my head!) I assure you my intention was NOT to make moms feels they shouldn’t feed their babies. Please read carefully how I openly expressed this. Of course you need to feed your baby, of course your baby comes first. Im not that warped in my head that i don’t see that point. 🙂 (I hate a crying hungry baby and would also do anything to nourish my child!) My thought is that it shouldn’t need to be the huge thing where women put on show in order to prove a point. Carry on feeding in public of course but there are some places we need to be aware of our environment. (and outside factors) In my opinion some situations just call for a little discretion. I would hate people to feel judged. I breastfed both of mine for 2 years and would hate to feel judged. NO woman should ever feel judged and i despise anyone who looks down at or ridicules a mom breastfeeding in public. Those people are not the ones i’m referring to in the post and i would probably squeeze my own breastmilk into the person’s face who openly belittles women like that in public. kidding not kidding. I guess I just never experienced that, which maybe doesn’t make my place to comment. I get that you need to be radical on certain issues to see change but My main point is that all the radical demonstrations have only created more negativity and harsh comments from people.(I realise there has been a lot of positive too and I’m not here to discredit that) Because everyone is entitled to an opinion, the more women take a stand and fight, it seems the more vocal and harsh the options have gotten and people seem to be losing sight of what they are really fighting for. Ive had some women say the the normalising breastfeeding is directly linked to normalising women’s bodies and that others must accept that they can do what ever they want with them – That society should not be sexualising women’s bodies and more so they say that a woman’s boobs are only for feeding purposes and not for sexual pleasure. I am all for women empowerment believe me but, there is so much danger in that perception. A simple question would be to ask, “Would you let your 18 year-old daughter got to the beach topless? As an adult that is in charge of her body and free to choose how she uses it and what she does with it, Would you be happy with her showing off her breasts in that way?” AND I’m in NO way saying that breastfeeding and going topless are the same thing. I’m just trying to prove my point that breasts are also sexual and sensual and sacred and and and. We live in a society where yes things have are often warped and twisted, but it’s the reality of the day we live in. PLEASE please don’t see this as judgement and i completely respect all those people who see it differently. I would just hate for people to misconstrue what I’m saying. I really love the mom community and if I have to rephrase one thing it would be so say that we shouldn’t stop fighting these issues.(and maybe come up with a different title :)) I may have worded that wrong and I’m sorry. I do love how as moms we only want whats best for our babies and I stand by all those who advocate that. I hope we can all keep this line of communication open and who knows, maybe by the time I have my next baby and begin another breastfeeding journey i’ll be right behind you at the next #normalisebreastfeeding march 🙂 Thank you for going easy on me and sharing your views. xoxo
You say breasts are sensual and sexual and that’s why they shouldn’t be seen openly in public, even for non-sexual uses (if I understand you right). Yet, mouths are also sexual and sensual, and they are allowed to be seen in public uncovered. Men’s nipples are sexual/sensual and can be seen in public without being covered up. Toes can be sexual and sensual…
So why do breasts need to be hidden in public–they are mammary glands with the primary purpose of nourishing children. If other sexual/sensual body parts don’t need to be hidden in public for respect, why do breasts?
People don’t have to create private eating/talking rooms where they can sit and allow their mouths to show. Men don’t need to create special “shirtless” areas where they can take their shirts off and chat man to man without anyone else seeing them. Why should moms need to create special rooms where they need to go to feed their children?
Ok so if i understand you correctly women should be able to walk around topless? You would be ok with your teenage daughter walking around the beach topless? You don’t thing there is any difference between a man being topless and a women? Im sincerely trying to understand this.
No, I didn’t say that. I am saying that there is no good reason breastfeeding should be hidden in separate rooms or under blankets and covers. When people use their mouths sexually, it’s usually in private, but when they use them for eating or talking (non-sexual purposes), they do so openly in public.
Breastfeeding a baby is not at all the same thing as walking around topless in public. Breasts are mammary glands, and when used for feeding a baby (non-sensual, non-sexual), there is no reason to hide as if it is shameful or sexual.
Other body parts that are used sexually and sensually at times are not hidden in public when they are being used for non-sensual, non-sexual purposes. Why should breasts be treated differently?
This post is direct proof of the need to normalize breastfeeding. Historically, the things the author objects to were NORMAL. Seeing a woman breastfeeding a child while men surround her chatting was NORMAL. A woman breastfeeding a child at the train station with people of all ages around was NORMAL. And no one covered up or hid this normal part of life. The very fact that the author objects and asks women to cover up and hide and be discrete shows that breastfeeding is no longer seen as normal.
I will forever be grateful to the elderly woman who whipped the blanket off my shoulder–in church!–when I was a new mom struggling to feed my baby and keep him covered while he struggled to remove the cover he hated. She told me “you don’t have to cover. It;s natural.” Oh, blessed relief. I never used a cover again, with either of my kids. Women should not have to hide or cover when breastfeeding. It is not disrespectful to breastfeed or share photos to celebrate that part of motherhood. The very fact that people think it is disrespectful shows that there is a need to normalize breastfeeding again–back to the way it used to be.
I also think its perfectly natural, like I said thats not the point. It’s beautifully natural and i consider it very normal to breastfeed as i did it for two years on the go! It’s the having boobs out in the open (in a prove your point kind of way where there is simply no discretion but rather lets see how much more i can expose to get a reaction) that I’m talking about. The need to go the extreme. I ASSURE you i agree it’s natural but i have the other view that boobs are also seen as a sexual part of the body. Like i said above, if boobs shouldn’t be sexualised then we should all walk around topless. The fact of the matter is boobs are more sexual and sensual than a man’s, women have been covering them (in most cultures) since the beginning of time. Its just the way it is. If we are saying no to the sexualisation of women’s bodies and in particular breasts, then we should all just walk around topless. In the summer time anyway. And the retailers would save a lot of money only having to make bikini bottoms 🙂 IM really just trying to lighten the mood and sincerely trying to get where some of you are coming from on the topic of boobs just being mammary glands and nothing more.
Thanks for this it’s been bothering me for a while. To me it is normal. I have two under two and we do what we have to do wherever we are. My husband is Muslim and so it comes as no surprise that at family do’s I will not just whip out the titties. I go to a private room out of respect. When I’m in other public spaces and I’ve forgettin a light blanket I do my best to be at least a little bit discreet because that’s my personal preference.
If I saw another mom with boobs fully out doing her thing, I wouldn’t flinch either. Hardly anyone else does.
But of late mommies on social media have become so forceful, judgemental and mix of other weird things in an apparent attempt to be breast feeding heroes online.
I have tons of breastfeeding pics I will not post one of them what for? But then again I don’t post pics of me putting a fork in my mouth either I just don’t see the need.
You are making a huge assumption when you say women who breastfeed without a cover are doing so to prove a point or in a “lets see how much more i can expose to get a reaction” way. Most women you are accusing are probably just trying to feed their babies. You are assuming a negative motive because of your own bias, and that’s not fair or kind.
Nor is the idea that most cultures cover up breasts valid. In many African cultures and cultures in hot places, women’s breasts are NOT covered all the time. Even in the US, women covering up to breastfeed is a very recent thing historically–throughout most of US history, women just breastfed whenever and wherever they were, no cover used–in church, at the fair, in the train station–boob out, men, women and children all around–and no one batting an eye because it was NORMAL behavior and unworthy of note, let alone blog posts and offense and ascribing negative motives to the mothers.
You ascribe motives of attention-seeking and point-proving to what is normal behavior, and that is why #normalizebreastfeeding is needed.
Andrea I have never ever assumed that EVERY woman breastfeeding in public is doing so to make a point. PLEASE please read the article carefully before making your own assumptions. I am talking SPECIFICALLY about a certain group of women who feel the need to make a point by taking selfies and going the EXTREME! Its very important you READ the whole article PROPERLY and don’t take things out of context and twist my words because its seems to be making you very upset and this you are making some harsh accusations on your side. I’m not bias and consider myself very kind, even admitting to I’m still learning and trying to see where others are coming from. You seem to contradicting yourself on so many points here. People will be able to see that for themselves so i won’t delve into too deeply. BUT You are comparing mouths to breasts because mouths are also sexual? REALLY? My point was that boobs have been covered up for centuries (In most cultures yes!!!!!) because they are a sensual part of a women’s body. We have not worn bags over our heads covering our mouths no. I don’t think there is any point trying to get you to see any of my reasoning or get you to see where I’m coming from because you seem close minded on the issue and only see things the way you want to. If i really have to think about it, its women like yourself who see respect and tolerance as a one way street and have very little consideration for anyone else views. The very women who this article was directed at. You are entitled to your own opinions (Which don’t seem to make much logical sense if you backtrack) and seems you will do anything to prove your point instead of trying to keep an open discussion. So I am KINDLY withdrawing from this little cyber battle we seem to be engaging in because this is the fact thing i was hoping to avoid.
I think my mother and family would agree with you wholeheartedly- but here is why I disagree: Western culture dictates that breasts are sexual but many cultures around the world do not. I believe that this over sexualization of breasts is part of why western society has such issues with breastfeeding. There are parts of the world where an 18 year old could run around with her breasts out and their mothers would not find that indecent or upsetting. So my child refuses a cover and is very social and distractable it is impossible to feed him in public with out everyone seeing my breasts. I am now too afraid to feed him in public but how glorious would it be to live in a society where I could and any to not have to worry about the fact that it would be seen to be indecent or have to worry about my breasts being perved over. It is my opinion that we should de sexualise breasts therefore the more women who are seen to be breastfeeding the better surely? Even if their child doesn’t feed under a cover and wants to take breaks and loudly chat to those around him/her. Even if it means the mothers breasts are on display. Perhaps if more people see breasts in this context they will start seeing their functional purpose and over time associate them more with this than with sex.
I agree completely! We need to fix society’s warped view of the human body. Then this will become a non-issue.
Actually there are many cultures where it is or was perfectly acceptable to be topless, male or female. Personally I think we could all do with being more like them – I fail to understand why nudity is a big deal in a non sexual context.
Well said Leigh. One of these days this will all be a distant mammary. ?
Yes, well said, Leigh. It is perfectly possible to breastfeed discreetly. I feel many women enjoy ‘flouting’ their enlarged feeding boobies, to other women, or to guys around – not so much ‘invitingly’ as just ‘flauntingly’ (or often both!). The other options in my view are that they are too lazy to be more discreet with some sort of cover, or they are simply completely insensitive to the possibility that it might be unhelpful/too invasive for some folk around them. There may be the very rare situation where a bit of boob peeking out is inevitable because of lack of available cover/privacy and the urgent need to feed, but these cases are clearly not what this campaign are talking about judging from all the pictures getting posted!
Yes precisely, i realise there are moments we need to feed our baby and people will get a glimpse, and thats ok.we don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed or judged. You do the best you can with showing as little as you can (especially if there are men around). The campaign is all about the extreme and to get people to notice by pushing the discretion boundaries and not being considerate to other people’s feelings. i didn’t always use a cover, in winter i would pull my jersey up and hide most of my boob with the jersey. I’m really addressing the the extreme moms who have jumped on the bandwagon to FIGHT TO FEED THEIR BABY by. i really wish they would just concentrate on doing that then. 🙂
Always so well written my Lee Lee – your blogs are soon to be book chapters!!!! Love you special girl – you are a world changer!
As a new mom and a nursing mom I can honestly say I personally am not comfortable breastfeeding in public. That is why I formula (yes, I do both) feed my little sir.. No, its not because of the fear of someone judging me. Its because I’m just a very modest person who doesn’t like showing her titties off or even discreetly under a nursing blanket.. I had to cover up when my brother in law came over unexpected and I could not look him in the eye. It was not very comfortable knowing that he knew I was topless under that blanket. Call me a gymnophobic. But that’s me.. I have no problem whatsoever if a more gutsy woman breastfeeds in public. But if you are breastfeeding without a nursing cover though than I will look away.. Not because I’m disgusted with you, or am a pervert (I don’t roll that way) but because its not very comfortable for me to see anyone bearing their boobs. Again I am bringing up the fact that I am a gymnophobic so don’t hate on me. What The Mom Diary says is truth. This is not a bloody online war people! Cuddose to you who don’t mind breastfeeding in public but just remember that this is not about winning a stupid war, its about feeding your baby. Get over yourselves.
thank you for your comment! 🙂 I’m sincerely grateful you see where I’m coming from. 🙂
As always I am forever proud of the blogger you have become, Leigh. You always pick great topics and handle them with such grace and even when people don’t agree with you you try and understand their perspective. Its such a pity that some of your followers can not find it in themselves to accept your views and fully understand it from where you are coming from.
I do not have children but I know from experience with friends that breastfeeding is such a special moment between mother and child and its very difficult to find the line between appropriate and what is your natural right to feed your infant. By all means, breast feed your child but perhaps also take into consideration the people around you. If you have tried to make sure you have some intimate privacy and you are still attracting negative attention then yes, those people should be hauled over the coals but dear god, not everyone wants to see your boobs at the breakfast table. Unfortunately this is the world we live in and it wont change over night. I agree with an earlier comment that this reaction is symptomatic to our current state in this country but ‘forcing’ your point with selfies and this sort of retort against an innocent blog is not the way to go about it. And if you asked a guy their opinion, well they aren’t all ready for it. Perhaps if respect and consideration is shown to the people around you you may start to see a change. Change starts with us individually and not every nay-sayer is wanting you to cover up entirely and hide your faces but just to act with consideration.
I know that Leigh’s intention was not to come across as anti breastfeeding (because I read the blog and she says that over and over again) OR to spark a major debate AND to be told her feelings are just blatantly wrong and unjustified is very hypocritical. Quite frankly if you don’t like it then don’t read it.
Just a quick side note… As human beings we will not always agree and in this instance Leigh can not be expected to write her blogs to please everyone. We all have our opinions and feelings and this is exactly what makes TMD a great blog. Peaceful Sunday to you all.
Dear Leigh,
I have read your blog post and are in disagree with your views. I believe breastfeeding should be normalised in public because a lot of moms that I know feel ashamed and fear breastfeeding in public. Just a few days ago a mom responded to my facebook post that she fears breastfeeding in public.
I come from a community where I was taught and are expected to #BreasefeedAnywhereAnytime the baby to. Then I had an experience at a health facility where I was told to go feed my daughter behind a curtain because someone was offended (http://www.capetalk.co.za/articles/3645/a-mother-campaigns-for-her-rights-to-breatsfeed-in-public). When I complained to the doctor, her response was that in some cultures not being covered is unacceptable and although in my culture it is fine, I have to respect other people’s culture. This happened at a facility mostly attended by white South Africans. This does therefore bring into the discussion the issue of white supremacy as per the other respondent on this post.
Furthermore, the number of mothers especially black mothers, who are not breastfeeding is drastically reducing as per the WHO statistics. As a black breastfeeding mom, I want to encourage all mom, but especially black moms that #BreastfeedingAnytimeAnywhere is NOT a bad thing but a responsible thing. This is why I post and also support the #Breastfies movement. Incidentally, the #Breastfies phenomenon started because mothers were being insulted and harassed for breasefeeding their babies. It did not start because mothers wanted to show off their breast.
You also speak about breastfeeding as bonding between mother and baby and doesn`t need to involve the rest of your male community. Fortunately for me, the community where I come from, the males do not sexualise a breastfeeding mother. They see her as taking care of her baby which is what is expected. There is nothing wrong with being modest, but when you expect others to be as modest so that they do not make you feel uncomfortable, is a problem. You argue that breastfeeding without a cover is inconsiderate and makes others uncomfortable. What about my right to be as comfortable as you want to be?
As a breastfeeding mom, my baby`s comfort comes before any man`s comfort. Your view also implies that I am also of the view that if anyone (man or woman) sees me breastfeeding and does not it like it, simply look away and if you catch a glimpse of my nipple, clearly you have been staring for too long. Covering a breastfeeding baby or toddler is not as easy as you thing or have experiences. Many babies (especially mine) simply DO NOT like being covered and will pull and kick the cover off them.
The public campaigns locally and abroad that are on social media as well as sit-in are vital in making sure that we spread the message that BreastfeedingAnywhereAnytime is what mothers MUST be expected to do without fear of harassment. I encourage you to look up the breastfeeding stats of South Africa and you will hopefully realise why the #NormaliseBreastfeeding “war”in SA is desperately needed.
Thank you for raising your point of view because it is part of the conversations we need to have to #NormaliseBreastfeeding. Well done for breastfeeding for as long as you did, now let`s encourage more mothers to reach the same milestone.
#PhambiliNgebele!
#BreastfeedingAnywhereAnytime
Thank you so much for your response Sizile, I’m really sorry you saw my post as a judgmental one. I really and honestly am referring to the extremists who have taken it a step too far, the ones who are going out of their way to get a reaction. I understand the movement as i do the need to breastfeed your baby. I have admitted that i could have possibly chosen a different title but again i was merely expressing my view that the WAR about it needs to end. I can’t help but think that the more women like the ones I’m referring to, breastfeed their baby in order to make a statement the more negative harassment they receive. Im IN NO way condoning that. Point me to the person who harassed you and i would give them a piece of my mind. For all the moms who have had to endure judgement like that, i am sorry! I really am not addressing all women here. and I certainly have never said don’t breastfeed or that women breastfeeding in public offends ME. No ways!! I am merely expressing my view that we don’t have to make a point. I understand the movement but fear that as much is it has made some positive impact, peoples opinions on the subject only seem to be getting harsher and harsher. I love my mom community and if i have offended anyone I’m sorry. i promise you that was never my intention. In some ways all i was really saying is that breastfeeding shouldn’t need to be defended and i would encourage every women to breastfeed, no matter what peoples views on it are. But there are other factors and different ways to look at it when women blatantly whip their boobs out in very public places purely to prove a point with little consideration for others beliefs and their environment. Women who go out of their way to not make sure their u=entire boob is exposed. No breastfeeding is not sexual, but breasts are and in my humble opinion have certain element of privacy and sacredness attached to them, would you not agree? Thank you for being open to this conversation and bringing your points across in a respectful and heartfelt manner. Breastfeeding for the WIN!