It’s not very often I find myself without words desperately needing to be typed out on a page. Since my love affair with writing began, I don’t think there has been a single moment where I have not had the urge to regurgitate my thoughts and feelings onto paper. Paper or, a blank screen – so pure, white and clean, with so many endless possibilities, waiting for a story to be told, a secret to be shared, an adventure to record.
And now I lie awake at night wondering where my passion has gone, where my burning desire to write has disappeared to. I used to think I would die of i couldn’t write, that I would suffocate in all my crowded thoughts and not be able to make sense of life. Writing has always been a therapeutic way of helping me stay sane as a mother and share my heart with moms on the same journey, and now I don’t feel like I’ve got anything to say. I don’t think I’ve got anything of value to add to anyones life. I’ve begun asking myself why I even publish half the stuff I write, if I only write for myself.
Is this what writers refer to as writers block? You know the real writers who actually make a living from it? Is it a dry spell? Am I just going through a phase of feeling unmotivated and uninspired? Or is it more serious? Was my time up before it even began?
The last thing I ever want to do is write just for the sake of it. Writing is such a personal, beautiful and precious thing to me. I don’t ever want it to become something I’m forced to do. I don’t ever want writing words to ever lose respect for me! I mean that would be sinful!
In the same breath, I never want to resent the quiet times or hurry the writing process. It could be a season I meant to be going through. Maybe, just ,maybe its the start of a fresh new chapter. Maybe some fresh inspiration is waiting for me just over the horizon.
I really hope I will use this time to watch, to listen, to learn, to embrace, to find acceptance and discover new things about the world, life, myself!!! I hope to be freshly inspired to write what on my heart and find my true voice in a world that can so often drown you out. I hope to come back to a place of confidence and that, like reuniting with an old friend, I will find comfort again in the very words that make up my life’s story.