It’s day three of our trip and here I sit on the airplane traveling from Rome to Amsterdam after a very relaxing three days in Ischia. The last time we were in Italy was before the boys were even so much as a thought. At least not in Brendon’s mind anyway.
Landing back in Rome after all these years brought back a flood of memories and with those memories came back feelings of youth I once knew to be my life. The difference this time was that half my heart was left back home. I literally felt my heart being torn in two directions as the distance grew greater and greater between us. Oh how things have changed since becoming a mom.
It’s funny how when you are in the midst of life with kids, there are moments where you would do anything to leave. Anything to escape the madhouse, the circus that has become your life. As a mother, you will sit looking at the mounds of washing piling up, squabbling kids, dishes in the sink, dinner needing to be prepared and it becomes impossible not to dream of getting away form it all. Even if only for day.
And the strange and completely unreasonable thing is that once you are given the opportunity to get away and pretend that your life doesn’t solely exist for your children, when you finally thrown a free pass to enjoy a trip/weekend/night away without kids, it can become the last thing you want. It becomes the hardest thing to comprehend. (I will share the three-day depression I went through in another post)
I knew I was going to miss my kids. I mean, I was having mild panic attacks just preparing to leave despite the fact that I had complete peace about their well-being.
But I have been strangely surprised at just how chilled I’ve been. OK minus the small little moment I had on the boat yesterday when I all of a sudden felt the desperate need to hug my babies. I kept wondering how I could ever feel the need for space (when you have kids clawing on you and nagging you all day it can become a real problem) when all I wanted to do in that exact moment was inhale them and kiss their little faces off!
All it took was a long skype session with them, just to get a little look of their cute little faces and have them sing for us and tell them they were not only ok, but having a blast. Brendon and I both looked at each other after hanging up and were overwhelmed with such a deep sense of pride. Watching them talk and sing and tell us about what they have been up to brought tears to our eyes.
We understood right then that this trip was just as important for them as it was for us. In two days we have seen them develop an even stronger sense of independence and seeing them look out for one another and work as a little team is the most incredible thing.
*I left this post for five days
There are certain moments in a person’s life where you experience what can only be described as Love at first sight. Be that a connection with your partner, a deep friendship, meeting your babies, a book, a piece of art. Heck for some its as simple as a new pair of shoes or good glass of wine. (Not me at all!!)
We have been in the magical city of Amsterdam for five days and it has been exactly that. LOVE at first sight. This place has left me spellbound in a matter of days and I just can’t get enough. The history, the streets, the cobble streets, the shops, the people, the bicycles, the food. I’m most certainly, without a doubt in LOVE with this place. It has taken a mere 48 hours but it has won me over.
Our first night here we spent with a South African friend who has made this her home, and several other South Africans. After an amazing dinner I stole a guys bike and took it for a ride down one on the streets. It was one of the best nights of my life. I honestly felt like a kid again.
We have been to some amazing parties, eaten some delicious food, made some wonderful friends, done some shopping, although that goes without saying right?
We have also been missing our kids at certain points, especially in the morning when they would usually hop into bed for cuddles before starting the day.
As much as I’ve missed them I really needed this time to remember that I loved their father first. He was my very first Love At First sight. I’ve needed this time to remember who we were to each other before they arrived. I think it’s so easy to lose site of who we are as people, especially as a mother whose identity gets so lost in raising children.
Having this time to reconnect without kids around has been vital to our relationship. We have enjoyed room service, had two unbelievable date nights, fought like teenagers, made up and talked about our future and shared our dreams for the next season of our lives. We have held hands long enough for it to be considered romantic, we have made love 3 times in one day (I kid you not!!!), had 23 sit down meals together without the demands of two kids. We have sat in silence and enjoyed the realization that we are happy in those quiet moments.
But above all we have realised that the vows we made on our wedding day are still so close to our hearts. That we would bear witness to each other’s lives. That out of all the people on earth, we chose one another to be on this life journey and witness each and every aspect of each other’s lives. The ups, the downs, the exciting, the overwhelming. Through it all we will have each other to share these things with, to one day look back on the memories, our lives lived and know we did exactly what we promised to do.