I know I’m going to sound like every new mom when I say this but where has the time gone? It’s been 3 months since I’ve written and I’m really not sure how I feel about that. In some ways I know it’s been the best thing for me. Not having the added pressure of having another thing to do. After all, this was supposed to be a creative outlet for me, a place where I can share my story and record special moments. I never wanted to feel pressure to write or make it something I HAD to do. That’s not to say there haven’t been numerous times where I’ve once again felt the urge to pick up a pen (or lets be honest, open my shiny little laptop and start typing) and make sense of all the chaos or even just express the indescribable joy my second child has brought me. But those moments were cut short quickly either by a demanding new born needing to be fed, changed, burped or rocked back to sleep for the umpteenth time or a needy toddler requesting we paint, build a castle or go for ice creams. Anything to escape the mad house. J
In saying that, I’ve loved every moment of the last 3 months. We got off to a little bit of a rocky start with Brody needing phototherapy. But the fact that we were able to have him at home under the lights reminded me once again how blessed we are. I’ve fallen so madly, hopelessly, and crazily in love with Brody:. I still stare at him and feel so overwhelmed with joy: he is mine! Everything has been SO much easier second time round and I often wonder why, the first time, there were days where I only showered at 4pm or only managed to eat my first meal when my mom arrived to help. She would usually arrive to find me at the top of the stairs in an oversized t-shirt (2nd day in a row) in a flood of tears. Some days she was lucky enough to find me attached to a breast pump with vomit in my hair. Now days I manage to shower, dress and feed 2 boys (lets make that 3), make the bed, pack a school lunch, put a slow cooker on for dinner, down a much needed coffee, sometimes deal with a tantrum or two AND brush my teeth: all before 8am. I think its fair to say I’ve come a long way.
Sure a lot has to do with having done it all before, knowing what’s expected and learning the greatest skill known to (wo)man-kind. :..The art of multitasking. Just the other day I found myself writing a grocery list, drinking my tea, speaking to my husband on the phone and answering the door. ALL while breastfeeding. Don’t worry; it was only my nanny at the door. That could have been awkward yes. The point i’m trying to make is that somehow we manage to learn along the way and even though it can get flipping hard and frustrating and demanding, we do eventually find our feet. We find a rhythm that works for us and it becomes so much more manageable. What once was so scary for me, so daunting and unfamiliar, has become my way of life. I’m So much more a mom now than I ever was. I always questioned my role in all of it and whether it was all enough. And everyday I am reminded that it most certainly is. I’m even more comfortable being a mom now that ever before: this is what I was made to do. My old worries and questioning if motherhood is enough has been replaced with a whole new worry:. What will I do when it all comes to an end?