I lay awake in the early hours of the morning, thinking about the year ahead of me. I began to wonder what the next 365 days have in store for us and all the growth we are about to undergo. Physically speaking, I already have a nice head start with signs of a belly already making a noticeable appearance.
I began to dream, knowing that with a new human joining us mid-year, it’s certainly going to be a game changer. I looked at my beautiful children sleeping beside me and just like every other day for the last 5 years, I was overcome with such a deep gratitude for all that they are to me and all the wonderful experiences they continue to offer me.
Although I was in bed before midnight (Go me!) I still opened my eyes before they did, something I accredit to the first trimester of pregnancy. They had both made their way to our bed in the middle of the night, knowing full well there would be room due to dad’s absence. Brody was the second of the two to join the ranks , sighting mozzies as his main reason for eerliy standing next to my bedside at 2 am. I pulled him in to my side and inhaled the delicious flesh of my 3 year old before whispering “I love you, sleep tight”. And just like that he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
Waking up with kids in my me bed is something I’ve not only gotten used to over the years, but something I have even slowly begun to relish. Maybe because they don’t always do it, and deep down I know that when we return to our stricter routine, they will get used to their own beds again. But for now, I can’t help but want to soak it all in, especially knowing it won’t be for too much longer with a new baby joining the circus.
As the morning sunlight began to stream into our bedroom, I looked to either side of me and began to thank God in a deeper way than ever before for the two little gifts that lay beside me. And then like a magnetic wave I felt my hand gravitate towards my tummy, as though recognising for the first time the additional little soul that contributed to our mass slumber party. I felt so deeply for the first time, a sense of purpose for the little person growing inside me. I felt for the first time, a feeling I can only describe as magical or heavenly. A divine moment in time where you make a soul connection with a person you have not even met yet.
I felt my eyes well up, knowing more than ever that this year ahead just may be the best one yet. You see, I know now how incredibly blessed I am to be be a mother. I know that already, so fully, with every bone in my body. And now, I get to do that all over again, for the third time. I also know that the love in our hearts only multiplies each time you have a child and so I’m not worried about loving another child, the way I was when we were expecting Brody. I no longer ask myself the question, But how will iI love another child?, because I already know how natural and easy it is. Brody proved me wrong in all his pink perfection.
I didn’t want that peaceful and special moment to ever come to an end, I didn’t want to move a muscle out of fear that I may wake one of them. So I lay next to them, breathing in their scent and praying over them. I prayed that God would give me the patience to be a better mom to them in 2017, that I would be given sufficient patience and understanding for my role as their mommy, and that above all God would supply me me sufficient grace during the hard times. As a mom I have realised that this is one of the most vital gifts we can ask for, Grace. Because without it we can feel like we are failing, that we are bad moms constantly grasping at straws. Any mom will know how hard and lonely and frustrating it can be at times and how badly we tend to beat ourselves up. Grace offers us a myriad of relief from the guilt and shame. It reminds us that each new day we are given fresh perspective, a hope and striving to do better.
So if you had to ask me what my main goal is for 2017, it’s to be the best mom i can be to my beautiful boys. That I would never put anything else before their needs (besides chocolate maybe!) and that they would continue to know that I am their safe place, a place of refuge. That they will know that I will always have their backs, that I believe in them and that I am their number one fan. Because while there are so many things I want to accomplish in this coming year and so many personal goals I have waiting to be met, being their mother is by far the greatest most significant role and one that stands out above the rest as my greatest calling yet.
So here’s to you my fellow mama companions, whatever this new year brings I pray it will be game changer for you too. I pray that you will start to see the fruit of all your hard work, see break through in areas that have felt like a dead end and I pray for Grace to see you through the dark times. I pray for happiness and purpose, for prosperity and favour on all that you do. I pray that we will continue to support each other instead of tearing each other down and that together we will be the encouragement we need to be the best moms in the world. Even if that means waving a white flag with tears running down our faces after a tough day. because no one said it would be easy, but I’m sure as hell it is/will be worth it.
Happy new year to all of you!!! xxxx