Here’s the thing. I always wanted to have girls. From the second kids entered my (somewhat naive) thoughts, I had visions of being a mom to little cherubs with gold ringlets in their hair. I would be the mom at ballet recitals pinning up miniature buns and sewing ribbons on their shoes. The mom that painted their nails with Tinkerbell nail polish and put them in pretty lace dresses for princess parties. Or any day for that matter. I realize how silly this sounds because lets face it how does one ensure gold ringlets? Who knew what our kids would even look like? But more than that, there is a 50 percent chance of it going either way when gender is concerned and then once you have had one sex the chance of having the other gets smaller. Or so I’ve been told. But its funny how you feel so strongly about something, so strong in fact that I was convinced Noah was girl. We called him Mia. What a beautiful little girl we were going to have!
You can imagine my shock when at our 23 week scan he finally showed us his bits after mooning us for so long. My little Mia was a boy. There had to be a mistake. Of course once it eventually sunk in, (which was only when I was handed my baby boy after giving birth to him) I realised everything was just as it should be. This was my son, this was where he belonged, and this was our destiny. I couldn’t have loved another child more if I tried. And I even admitted that I was glad he was a boy. I mean of course I was!
When I was told we were expecting another boy I literally felt my throat close up. Though we never even openly admitted it to one another, my husband and I both felt the desperation for a little girl return and we longed for the news to be in our favor. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and all my dreams of pink bows and dolly tea parties dissipated before my very eyes. Again I wondered why, if my feelings about having a girl were so strong, was I being called to mother sons? BOYS!!! How would I cope with another willy in the house and the growing levels of testosterone? Since that moment I have not only come to accept my soccer mom status, I have begun to revel in it. And as the months have gone by I have realised many things.
Here are the things I know now that I wish I knew then.
1. No matter what sex your child is, THAT is the child for you. We need to learn to accept that whatever God blesses us with, is His plan for us. We have no control over these things. Gender, sickness, disease, disabilities. God has chosen us to parent the children given to us. The fact that I was so caught up in having a girl when I had two healthy children seems so selfish now.
2. Mothering boys versus mothering girls may offer different experiences but no matter what gender your child is, a whole world of surprises awaits you. I may not get to experience ballet lessons and frilly dresses, but I get to watch my son discover his amazing soccer talent and excel at sports. And yes I hear some of you screaming but my girl does soccer! or My son loves ballet! I’m not trying to put anyone in a box or stereotype but lets face it as our kids get older their interests change and boys generally gravitate towards more BOY things. And the same goes for girls with their dolls and pretty dresses. I see many soccer tournaments, camping trips, fishing excursions and skate boarding in my future. And it’s a pretty cool thought!
3. I’m a much better mother to boys than I thought I would be. While I previously thought that the girliness in me (and the love of cute things, shopping, dancing and crafts) would certainly be in my favor with girls, I have realised that I possess other strengths that assist with parenting boys. I wonder whether I would have been a good mother to an emotionally charged little girl when I’m quite an emotional person myself!
4. I’ve realised the weight and responsibility of mothering sons. I have a huge responsibility to raise them well with good values and a deep respect for everyone, especially woman. It’s my responsibility to ensure they are grounded, respectful, kind hearted, courteous and will be the kind of man I would want for a daughter I may never have. I realize now the importance of my role. I wish I knew then just how significant my role would be.
5. Boys are flipping cute too! Before my boys were born I honestly thought it were only girls who were cute enough to melt your heart. But BOY could I have been more wrong?!! My boys are edible! Gorgeous! Just melt your heart cute! And now days you get to dress them up in all kinds of cool outfits. Boys are rad!!!
6. The fact that we have two sons has allowed us to bear witness to the gift of brotherhood. My boys are already the best of friends and I only see the bond getting stronger! It’s the most special thing to see them become better friends as the months go by.
7. I get to be spoilt by THREE dudes now. As they get older (And I age accordingly) I hope they will be the kind of sons that look out for their mom and treat me well. Being the only lady in the house means I will be well protected and cared for.
At the end of the day, without sounding cliched, every child is a unique gift. We get to explore and unwrap all the different layers of each individual child and as they grow up we discover so many new things about them, no matter what their gender. I may have longed for what I thought was going to make me more happy, but the reality is that I couldn’t be happier than with what I have now, right in front of me in the form of two gorgeous little boys. So often we think we know what we want, what we need and what we will be better at, but the reality is that God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knew I needed these boys and that if ever there was a moment of hind site it’s now, realizing these boys are the perfect fit for me.