My little guy is growing up. There is just no denying that he is a big kid now and with his 2nd birthday party coming up, I really have had to accept the fact that my baby is no longer a baby. And it sucks.
I know most moms love knowing the days of bottles and dummies and nappies are passed them. While i have to agree with most when it comes to the nappies, i feel my heart ache when i think of throwing away Benji, dummies and doodoo’s. I literally feel my throat close up when the high tops I had kept aside for him for when he got bigger, are now being put to one side to give away. How can it be that time just seems to go faster with each passing day, and I have absolutely no control over it.
I don’t want him to get any bigger. This age has to be the sweetest. The learning, the talking, the developing personality. I just can’t get enough. It’s usually during these moments that I refuse to give up on the chance of having another. I mean how is a mother supposed to realize that this could be the last time i get to do all these special things.
As much as I try to savor this time for what it is, I know that our little morning rituals will soon be forgotten when he starts school. I know we will no longer spend our mornings reading books or walking together in the sunshine and splashing in puddles. I know I wont be teaching him new words and showing him how the puzzle fits, because he would have mastered these things and will have other people to learn from.
I wont have my sweet little shopping companion to cruise the isles with while we chat about everything from the moon to the funny lady in isle 6. I wont have those spongy little hands clawing at me to come and see his tower or begging to be taken to the trampoline. I wont have a baby who wakes me up at the sparrow’s fart shouting, Mommy I’m finished! (Something he adopted from the mantra his big brother shouts when he is done on the toilet) or a little voice asking ever so gently for cuddles.
These days are going to be over and there isn’t a single thing I can do about it. I often wonder if scientists are sitting on the cusp of discovering a way to stop people from aging. I also wonder where they would see the greatest decrease. In 40-year-old woman, who are finally able to keep those wrinkles at bay and not have to age a day passed 39 or in 2-year-old little children whose moms want nothing more but for them to stay little forever. Someone is sitting on millions, not just from an anti-aging point of view. I know I would buy shares int the company who invented that stuff.
Do I sound like a mother freaking out? Do I sound like I’m still very much in denial? Sure I do. I sound just like I did the month before my eldest turned two. And here i am, freaking out all over again.
I guess there is only one solution to my sad dilemma. Keep having babies.
Excuse me while I try to get my husband on board.