If there is one thing I have always been certain of it’s that I wanted to be a mother. When I left school I had no idea what I wanted to study, what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that I had babies in my future. It’s just the one solid thing that stood out to me, before I even met the man I would marry.
And my journey into motherhood has been satisfying in every way possible, there hasn’t been a single day where I havent stared at my kids in pure amazement and given thanks to God for the gift of motherhood. Yes, there have been days where I have lost the plot alongside my mind as I have negotiated the logistics of raising kids, but I have always, ALWAYS reveled in my role as mom. It’s always been enough for me.
All of a sudden I want more. I find myself craving a different satisfaction, a new meaning, a new self discovery. I find myself wondering if my new-found focus and ambition was realised too late. Where was this need to write when I was in high school? Why had I not discovered my voice then? I’ve found myself overwhelmed with a new sense of vision, an ambition I never knew was in me. I feel a deep drive rising up with in me to conquer more, to come into my own.
You see part of it im sure is the fact that I never believed in myself enough to know what my strengths were. I can remember always doubting myself, living in fear of my own failure and never really knowing what my gifts were. Maybe having children and becoming a mother has been the thing that has helped believe in myself. Maybe motherhood in itself has taught me so much about myself that I now know more than ever what I am capable of. I’m really not sure. But I do know that while I still love my children and being a mom will always be my first love, my most important role, I am only now realizing I have so much more to offer the world I live in.
I think this is often how many woman feel… either we are born to always crave more, or we are happy and deeply satisfied in our roles as mothers for many years, but then we realise how much being a mother has become who we are, our identity.
Who are we without our children? In between all the mess of raising kids do we lose our entire sense of self? If we werent called mom to our little troops what would be left of us?
I love my children and will alway consider them my greatest achievement. I hope that they always know that. But I also hope that I can show them that’s it’s never too late to do something with your life and that through persistence and dedication, its possible to achieve anything. I want to show my children first hand what it really means to live a life of passion.
As their main teacher in these early years I want to show them the significance of never living with regret, of always believing in yourself. And im starting right now.