I usually stay far away from topics like this. I generally don’t like to talk about things of such a seriousness and weighty nature. Not because I don’t listen to the stories or have an opinion on the matter, it’s because I’m scared I’ll get myself too riled up. More importantly I worry I’ll say something too harsh or use words I may regret. The kind of words I don’t usually use on this space, even though I have every right because it’s my space.
But reading all the stories, reports and letters about the Brock Turner case has really got under my skin and I’m not sure I can sit in silence anymore. I have too much anger and sadness running through my veins to not say what it is that’s on my heart and my mind. I have too much responsibility as a mom of boys to not feel something and ultimately say something, if not directly to other moms of boys, then to the very least my own.
After the Franciska case in SA recently I wrote this post about ways I can teach my own sons to treat girls with respect – something I felt that stirred from a very deep place in my heart and I know many moms shared my same sentiment about getting our young boys to understand the concept of respecting girls and holding them in high regard. Not in the girls need to be treated differently because they are weaker way but rather, Girls need to be nurtured, respected, appreciated, defended and celebrated for all they are and offer society kinda way.
I have heard it being said many times before that having girls means you worry more. With crime against women reaching disturbing heights I can only imagine why. When you have a boy, you worry about ONE penis, when you have a girl you worry about ALL the penises. I know that sounds pretty hardcore and maybe even a little judgmental but the reality is that you worry about your daughters so much more because they are more vulnerable to all the risks associated with sexual assault. When you have sons it’s really just them you worry about for the most part, making sure you guide them and show them what’s acceptable and what’s not. Teaching them at every opportunity you can get that they should never, in no way whatsoever use their strength against girl for any reason.
Well that’s what I used to think anyway. I am more than ever realizing the weight of responsibility we have in raising our boys right and how much WORRY that inevitably means for us. I think it’s fair to say, that although I may not worry about my girls being vulnerable (because I don’t have any) I worry tremendously about making sure my sons conduct themselves respectfully with the opposite sex. The responsibility we have to really make sure they grasp the lessons we teach them is massive!
But what happens when your son goes against these values and does something as disgusting and vulgar as Brock Turner did? Whether or not his mother ever raised him with these kind values or not, as his mother, she is faced with the knowing that her son did something so disturbing that she has to question her son being capable of such an act.
What happens if your son goes against everything you have taught him and commits one of the most heinous crimes imaginable? I’ll tell you what you do.
You tell your son, that his feelings don’t matter anymore. That from there on out, his fears, anxieties, worries and regrets are not the first thing on your agenda and nor will they be for a very long time.
You tell him to stop playing the victim; he is the perpetrator of the evil crime. Snap out of it.
You tell your son that what he has done is inexcusable and something he deserves to pay for, for the rest of his life.
You tell your son, that as much as you love him, you despise his actions and will not tolerate that kind of evil.
You tell your son he will have to answer to his actions and be accountable for the crime.
What you don’t do it make excuses for your child or find loop holes to get your child out of the whole he dug for himself. You don’t lie for him or water it down.
And you Certainly DON’T say things like he has already paid a steep price … for 20 minutes of action. Or pull on people’s heartstrings by trying to humanize him:
He will never be his happy-go-lucky self with that easy-going personality and welcoming smile, he wrote of his son. His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite.
I wonder how the victim feels about her life at this point and if she is enjoying the luxury of life with out all these things?
You don’t hire the best team of people to defend him and cover up his actions and lies:
Instead, I was told he hired a powerful attorney, expert witnesses, private investigators … That he was going to go to any length to convince the world he had simply been confused. – victim
As hard is it is for any parent, you make sure it’s not the victim paying the ultimate price. You make sure he is accountable for his actions right?
Apparently the judge who sentenced him to measly 6 months in jail doesn’t share the same sentiment. Apparently Brock deserves more leniency because he has no prior criminal record and swims pretty well. I think you all know what I say to that. A big F*@k that!!!
I’ve thought long and hard about how I would feel if that were my own son or God forbid, my sons were ever capable of such a crime. And I know that as much as I love them, they would be expected to do the time and be held accountable for their actions. I would also pray to God above that the judge sentencing them would not go easy on them, that instead they would be given as harsh a sentence as anyone else.
I may not have a daughter, but if I did and they were a victim of sexual assault, I can only pray that the parents of the perpetrator would feel as strongly as I do and that ultimately they would see that appropriate action is taken and justice served.
Boy moms it starts with us. It starts with the good dads teaching through the example they set. It starts with the good men who are willing to stand up to this kind of behavior and say enough is enough.
It’s time for this generation of men, the ones we are raising, to do better.