You would think I would be as calm as cucumber seeing as this is my third baby right? And in many ways I am – I’m not overly nervous about the birth – If anything I’m eagerly awaiting that day and finding myself getting more and more excited as my impending Due Date beckons it’s way closer and closer.
I think it’s just that the reality is beginning to hit me between the eyeballs as I begin to get her room ready (I’m so late on this I know!) and prepare for having a newborn in the house again. I think from the very beginning I began convincing myself that it was all going to be blissfully easy third time round. Throughout my pregnancy I’ve been telling myself things like ; “My eldest two are boys so the dynamics will be different with adding a little girl to the mix” or “They are much older and now and won’t feel so pushed out”. But here’s the thing, we really don’t know what to expect or how any of us are going to feel when this baby comes home with us. Besides the overwhelming sense of love we will no doubt all have for her, we have no idea how we are going to feel about this permanent change and getting to grips with our new reality.
So instead of burying my head in the sand and pretending that these fears and anxieties are not real I thought I would write them all down. I think its best I make sense of these unspoken fears and hopefully prepare myself better for all the new dynamics we are about about to face. Or at the very least get me ready for a new level of mayhem. So without any judgement please, here is my “Worry List” :
- I worry about the attention and time I’m going to have for my boys in the early days and worry their little hearts may feel bruised when they see me with a new baby. I know this is silly because i have intention of including them as much as I can And i know this baby is just as much theirs as it is ours. They are just all I know right now and as much as I’ve learned from experience that your heart only expands with each child, I feel a sort of protection over my boys and this place in my heart reserved only for them.
- I worry about how I’m going to be with little girl! Yes I know, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. But boys have become my reality and I have them waxed! (Well for the most part!) I worry about changing her nappy properly, bonding with her the same way and later on, knowing how to navigate the road of life with a little girl.
- I worry that so much time has passed since having a newborn that I’m not going to now what to do with one!! Waiting this long for the third child, means so much has been forgotten – In some ways its going to be like learning everything all over again. I’m sure it will all come flooding back quite naturally (We can only pray!) but in many ways I think it’s going to be like a brand new experience. One met with trepidation and a a little uncertainty at times.
- I worry about getting three kids dressed and out the house. Flip, I worry even more about getting them all strapped safely into the car.
- I worry about having even less time with my husband. Are we prepared to have another little person wedge themselves between us? Are we prepared to have something so tiny stretch us to a point of exhaustion where we became sailing ships in the night?
- I worry about my role as Queen and no longer being the only girl who gets all the attention in the house. Silly right? And as much as I long to see Brendon with his baby girl I wonder how long it will be that I take backseat? How long will it be that I fade into the background as I make way for the little girl who is set to light up his world.
I guess what we really have to bear in mind here is that I’m HEAVILY pregnant and feeling somewhat emotional about about everything at this point in time. So I guess many of these anxieties stem from a place of insecurity and unreasonable doubt. But this is my reality and I guess I need to work on these things and face them so that I don’t end up with unreal expectations of it all being rainbows an unicorns. Facing these fears doesn’t mean they are going to happen or that I should be worried, but rather that I have a healthy expectation of how things will naturally unfold as we become a family of FIVE!! Like I always say: Expect the best. Prepare for the worst.
Any tips or words of encouragement? Is it normal to feel these fears creep up at this point in the game? 8 weeks to go!!!!!