There are some moments as a mother when you are faced with the inevitability of your kids growing up and the only left to do is cry. It all becomes too much and despite the fact that you know you need to put your big girl panties on, your heart simply cannot cope with the fact that your baby is no longer a baby.
What am I going on about you ask? My baby made the transition from his cot to a big boy bed last night. A bittersweet moment I have to tell you.
As we sat on the floor in his bedroom assembling the new bed my husband handed me a big glass on wine knowing too well just how much I would need it. I hadn’t even finished the glass before breaking down into a hot mess. I thought I was ready for this. The make up running down my face was a sure sign I was not.
Like most of these moments spent reflecting, I was taken back to the day we brought him home from the hospital. I thought about the small mosses basket he first slept in and how his tiny body barely filled it. And here I was, in what feels like a flash, about to put him in a bed. How could it be??
We mourn the loss all kinds of things as mothers. We mourn the loss of a full nights sleep, own bed, a firm body, a clean house, the freedom to go out. But we never really anticipate mourning the loss of a baby who grows up. A life that is ever changing and growing up.
As we showed him his new bed I saw his gorgeous little face light up. A face that has lost its roundness and in the last few months become a little bit more defined. A face that has gone from just being cute to now being handsome.
I saw my big boy standing there and I knew it was going to be Okay. You see it takes just a single moment to realize that it really just keeps getting better and better. One moment to accept their growing up.
The cutest part came when he insisted on going to sleep without eating supper first. He was so excited to be in his new bed that he ordered us to switch the lights off and sternly told us Good night
We eventually convinced him to have a quick supper before turning in for the night but it was a wonderful feeling knowing he was ready for this transition. Seeing him gain independence, a sense of pride and a new confidence made that moment a little more bearable.
As much as I will always cherish the memories of putting him to sleep in his cot I know we have many more memories waiting to be made. Ones that will eventually see him in a double bed with posters of girls on the wall.
Why did I do that? I’m definitely not quite ready to go there. Baby steps Leigh.