There are many moments in every mother’s life when you are overwhelmed with the fear of losing your child. Moments when the thought of losing one of your precious children to death is too much for your heart to even fathom. I mean how does one even survive that? And yet it happens and mothers do survive it.
I’m not sure if its just me but I go through phases when this fear becomes all consuming, where it literally sucks the air out my lungs and makes its home in that place between my stomach and my throat. That in between place, almost separate from the rest of your body, where your soul lives. Where you feel the deepest of emotions. It weighs down heavily, a tight aching in your chest.
Yes it can literally leave you paralyzed at the thought.
I hate it and I need it to go. I hate that it has begun to control me again and I HATE that it hinders me from enjoying my life to the fullest.
You see, this is the thing about fear; it consumes you and takes over your entire life. It has a snowball effect where slowly your whole world becomes affected by this deep-rooted fear of losing someone you love. Each layer of your fear-induced snowball adds to your overall ability to live your life to the full.
I know there is only one thing I can do when this fear begins to creep in again. I need to surrender it to God. I need to pray that his peace will be sufficient.
I know many of you reading this don’t believe in the God I do, some of you don’t believe in any God at all. Some of you may be proud atheists. I’m not here to preach to you.
There have been so many times in my own life where I have questioned God and grappled with issues I don’t understand, but at the end of the day it comes down to this: I would so much rather believe in something that believe in nothing. I would so much rather catch a glimpse of hope in the God who has proven himself to be real to me, than not be open to the possibility of who he is and what he wants for me! I, even if I’m wrong about my faith, find comfort in believing that what God says to be is true.
The problem is that its always so much easier said than done right?
So how do we really put our trust in God and rebuke the fear that settles in our hearts from time to time? How do we surrender our lives to God and trust his plan for us?
You see after much reflection I have come to realize that its during the times that I am furthest from him, that these fears become so much more real. When God isn’t my focus and I lose sight of his promise, my fears become significantly more overwhelming. When I forget his promises and focus inwardly on my earthly worries and anxieties, these suffocating thoughts become unbearable.
Without wanting to sound too religious (I don’t do religion!) I know that God is the only one who is going to set me free from the fear that has crept in. And the only way he is going to do that is if I allow him to. It’s really that simple.
So today, I choose to surrender my fears and anxieties to him and freshly submit my life and my children to him. I realize that I can’t rely on my own strength and the uncertainty of the future but that through him I can live a life of peace and security knowing that he has my back. While it may not happen over night, I intend to take baby steps moving closer to the security of living in the palm of Gods hand and find my way back to his promise.
I hope that for many of you who are also struggling with the fear of something happening to your children, that this will encourage you to do the same.