I’m just going to come right out and say it. I’m over this country. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Before you all start hounding me with the loyalty/patriotic/culture card let me add this: I love my country as much as the next person, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve lost all faith in it.
While these feelings have, no doubt, been brewing for years, they seem to have reached boiling point over the last few months as we hear horror story after horror story and watch our government make fools out of us.
For years we have watched crime escalate and our judicial system fail us. We have watched the news, read our newspapers, scrolled our face book feeds and heard it over the radio on our way to work. We have all heard the stories, seen the pictures and watched how justice is rarely served.
Yes, South Africa is a place with high levels of inequality, poverty, unemployment, social exclusion and marginalization and all these factors play a role, but factors that I believe are only getting worse. If these things are only getting worse, how can we expect murder, rape, kidnappings and hijackings to stop?
And so here my husband and I are again finding ourselves asking the very real and serious question: Should we pack up and move? Should we call it a day, pack up our lives, head for the States and give our children a better life?
I used to worry what people would think. I used to worry that my friends and family would see us as cowards, walking out on our country, our heritage. I used to worry that people would think I don’t trust God and that ultimately I don’t trust his calling on my life. That, for what its worth, couldn’t be further from the truth.
But now I’m starting to worry that people will judge us knowing that we had the opportunity to leave and decided against it. Now I’m beginning to wonder what kind of an injustice I am doing my kids if we have been offered a better life elsewhere, but instead chose to sink our feet deeper into our South African soil, trying desperately to believe that things will change. But will they, EVER change? Now I feel the dread build in my thoughts as I wonder what if something were to happen and its too late? What if I lose a child to crime? How would I ever forgive myself? I guess it doesn’t help that we have been hijacked twice. Yes, TWICE.
Now I get it, life is not always greener on the other side and I’m aware that no matter where we go, there are going to be challenges but the truth is simple really. Would I rather give up the help of a nanny/domestic (we are spoilt in this regard here in SA) or risk being hijacked? Would I rather sacrifice seeing family every day or end up in the boot of someone’s car and ultimately never seeing anyone EVER again? Or worse seeing something happen to one of my children?
In trying to weigh up the pros and cons and once again trying to grasp onto the last straws of hope, I have made a list of the things I know I would miss more than anything in the world. Maybe in writing these things out, for me to reflect on, will help me make better sense of what it is we need to do. I made this list first but let me first unpack the things I hate about this country. I know you are supposed to sandwich things to lighten the blow but heck im gonna get straight into it.
1.I despise racism in all its horrible forms. Speaking from a middle class white South African, I hate the way our black friends were previously treated and disadvantaged. Now to see all that hate being turned around to attack the white man and used to tear down a country is just too sad. Racism is still very much a threat to South Africa’s democracy. Do you know there is a small town in the Northern Cape that consists of whites only? It’s like apartheid all over again. Whatever the case, from whatever the angle, i’m sick of it and not sure I can handle another 16 years of trying to rebuild our nation into one that not would only make Mandela proud, but God proud!
2.I hate the fact that I have to look over my shoulder every time I leave my house. Walking to my car from the shops, leaving a friends house and strapping kids into the car, arriving at my folks place and taking them out the car, walking down Long Street at night, arriving home at any time of the day or night, walking on the beach or in the forests. I mean we have all these beautiful places yes but they are becoming less and less safe to visit.
I hate hearing a noise at night and fearing the worst. I hate wondering what I would do if I found myself in a situation where my families lives were at risk. I REALLY HATE CRIME!
3.I hate the fact that we have no faith in our police force. Although I’m sure there are still many who keep their oaths and live to serve and protect, its no newsflash that we have a bunch of monkeys running things around here. With dodgy cops and bribes being offered left right and centre its no surprise crime is on the up. I hate corruption and greed and the serious lack of integrity demonstrated by the people who should be protecting us.
I’m fully aware that there are places in the world far more dangerous than South Africa. Places where war is real and people are dying by the thousands. I am however looking at outweighing the odds of anything bad EVER happening to my children. I’m like a mother bear, willing to do anything to protect my young and I want to know that I am doing my best to ensure that they get the best opportunities presented to them. I want to know that when they leave school (with a higher grade education, which is unlikely here with the pass rate dropping every year) that they will have amazing opportunities to invest their skills in good jobs. Ones that they love and are passionate about.
Anyway, before you all go hating me for being such a killjoy and reminding you how hopeless things often seem, here is my list of pro’s:
I would miss my friends! I’m possibly one of the luckiest girls in this regard. I have solid groups of girl friends who I know are irreplaceable, Each of them in their own way offer me a unique and special friendship and I know that I could travel the world over and may never find friends that hold such a deep place in my heart.
- I would miss my family. We are close knit and overly reliant on each other. The kind that do weekly family dinners and see each other ever other day for tea or just a quick pop in. I see my sister in law up to three times a week sometimes where watch our children grow and learn together. I know that if we left I would be taking away something so special, that bond that only cousins share.
- I would miss my new home. While it’s in no way my big dream house, it’s our first piece of property we have ever owned and we are about to finish making it 100% our own by renovating our kitchen. Once we have done that, its possible we would own one of the most gorgeous (original and old) apartments in the Southern Suburbs. Yes that’s how much I love my home. It’s been such a special process and I couldn’t bare parting with it. It’s not only money we have invested in it, but a huge chunk of our hearts.
- I would miss all my favorite places: Kalk Bay for lunch, Kloof street for trendy shops, Forries for afternoon play dates with the girls and our huge entourage of kids, Houtbay for fish and chips (and Italian Ice-cream), Boulders beach for ocean swims in the summer, Cavendish movie dates, Boyes drive, Haiku for cream cheese and spinach dumplings, Cattle Baron for Château Briand, Harbor House for sushi, Erawan for Thai food, and of course Some oaks/Barusos for the best Pizza on the planet.
- I would miss all life’s little pleasures: Afagatos at the creamery, woolies coffee, braai vleis, our delicious wines, our craft beers, biltong from the delhi in Newlands, proteas, rugby (even though I don’t always watch it)
- I would miss The mountain. No I’m not a hippy, but seriously, I would miss that beautiful mountain Every. Single. Day.
- I would miss watching my friend’s kids grow up. I would miss out on seeing them grow into little people and meet their different milestones. I don’t know why but that makes me sad.
- I would miss long weekends away at one of our many gorgeous and picturesque little towns right on our on our doorstep.
- I would miss our icy cold oceans and the beautiful Cape point where our two oceans collide.
- I would miss the conversations I have with people of this country, the multi cultural element of what it means living in South Africa today. I would miss the bright beautiful faces of the good people who are always striving to make a difference.
I realize these things are not all very important, but they are the things that, should we leave, are going to get me feeling home sick and longing for a place I will always call home. I’m not sure how I would feel looking at everyone’s Face book feeds and seeing pictures of my home country.
I guess we have a lot to think about and much to weigh up. All I can think about for now is that beautiful and cheesy saying, Home is where the heart is and hope that no matter where we feel our hearts are led that it will eventually and whole heartedly be called home.
* Please share your thoughts without getting too political and judgmental. I like to keep things clean around here.
Hi I’m Leigh! Did you enjoy reading this post? I really hope so and would love you to stick around a little longer! Please feel free to browse my blog for other articles or to keep up with all the latest news and to be the first to hear about some great competitions, come and find me me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also email me directly at leeloobaggins@hotmail.com or simply subscribe below and never worry about missing out!
So true & Sad 2 see what is going on in our country! Love ur post thank u 🙂
Oh wow, it’s like you read my mind and in a very calm and well-thought out way put it on a page.
Even though we’ve had this feeling for a couple of years now, it’s like it’s been multiplied ten times over this last couple of months.
I keep thinking that we should just keep going, maybe it will get better, but then at the same time i’m wondering i’l ever forgive myself if something happens to my family or when my kids come out of school with a low grade education and end up struggling to find work (or maybe not even get a job, just based on the colour of their skin).
I can honestly say the things keeping me here is family and the inability to get enough finances to leave.
Good luck in your decision making.
Dear Leigh , I struggle at first to read this because i am going through the same thing, a worry of what am i exposing my children too, in not going out of the country. This is a hard thing to have to face, we have made the decision to stay, because we feel we can still make a difference. But, I think you need to make the decision that is BEST for YOU and YOUR FAMILY, no one else. At the end of the day that is what will matter, so follow your heart and your mind and do what`s best for you. You are the one responsible for your family and can only do whats best for your children. All the best I hope you find peace
Hey Leigh
You make some interesting points, but I always remember what your dad had to say. You need to be in the will of God. If you are in His will it will not matter where you are. Our happiness is not found in the place we stay but knowing that we are within His perfect plan for our lives.
I also think about my kids future I also wander some days about the corruption and all the things you mention here. That is normal. But I will always remember a conversation with your dad. You should chat to him he is a wise old bear!
You have said it all. It’s paramount that no matter how we feel we have to remain in his Will. His will will never take us to a place where his Grace cannot sustain us
What does gods will have to do with it? I’m neither for or against SA but if you are worried about the future for your kids or your kids safety how on earth is gods will going to help you? If as you say you fear that something may happen to your kids then gods will won’t help you one bit!
I’m all for weighing up the pros and cons of staying/leaving but gods will shouldn’t be one of them. God gave you a brain so use it to make a decision. I’m sure god won’t mind if you stay or leave!
Sharon if you believe in the god i believe in you will know he has plans for each and every person and calls people to pursue those life callings. As much as he gave us brains which yes we use to solve many of life mysteries, he has also called us to have faith in him and trust his plans for us. when i wrote this, I was really at my worst trying to make sense of the doubt and fear going through my head but please, if people walk away with anything it must be this: Despite our own fear and doubts, he is with us. i more than anyone have to believe that. i had no idea i would have so many people reading this, had i known i may have been a little less honest 🙂 But what i do love about the fact that i wrote this is that its given others the chance to challenge me and remind me of what i believe! As hard as it is i am going to really try to put all these fears and uncertainties in Gods hands and know that whatever we chose to pursue and wherever we land up in the world, he is at the centre of that choice and the centre of our lives going forward. I hope you experience that to 🙂
Leigh I was you 13 years ago. Left everything I knew and moved to Auckland New Zealand. My family are also Christians and we prayed all the way. Initially we wondered if we had done the right thing and for the first 2 years we had doubts. Now after 13 yrs I must say having been beck to SA that we have no regrets. My children have done really well. Have a grand child on the way next month. Life has been safe I mean really safe Like living in SA in the 60/70 s. We have almost paid our home off in 12 yrs and I was 45 when I arrived. Your points are so valid and true Make the move your children will never look back and even though it will be harder for you you will love it
I get you Leigh. Lots to think about indeed. You’ll know what to do in your heart of hearts, as cheesy as it sounds. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, sometimes you might give the other side a try and realised you liked the original grass and that’s ok too. Thanks for your thoughts x
Oh and by the way ladies we still have one of the best Education systems in the world. UCT is ranked in the top 200 universities. Our schools if you stay in a good area like most white middle class people do have excellent model c schools and well Private Education here is way cheaper than overseas, in fact because public schools are so bad in both the US and UK most people prefer to educate their kids here because Private Education is pretty much unaffordable overseas unless you are super wealthy. Being in the Education sector I have the stats
Deborah, with all due respect as a South African who has also worked in the education sector in the UK I have to strongly disagree with you! UCT might be within the top 200 universities in the world but the vast majority of the very, very top ones are all in the U.S. and UK and their students come primarily from those countries. If you choose an area with good state schools of course you can educate your children well in the UK or US. I have lived until the UK for 7 years and have excellent state schools near me that are free of charge. I have chosen to educate my children privately because I can and I give education the highest priority and although pricey it is affordable. Private education might be cheaper in SA but your salary would generally be much, much lower in SA too. It’s hard to compare these things if you have never lived in both countries. I emigrated due to the crime and now live in Surrey in the UK in commuting distance of London and I’ve never looked back.
Wow Leigh,
You write so well and from the heart with a good amount of clear thought.
I love that as it encourages others to open up and be real also.
So here’s me opening up a little.
I remember on one occasion when I slipped off a rock in India and almost died.
God said. “If you’ve got nothing to die for you’ve got nothing to live for.”
That’s where the title for the project “Off the Edge.” came from.
I remember a trip I made before we left as a family to come to India. I was on a roof top early in the morning in a small town in northern India and God said to me “will you give me Asha and Zoe whether they live or die will you trust me.”
I was on the ground weeping like a baby.
There was this deep pain and at the same time this peace that quietened my soul.
I knew that God would take care of us no matter what.
I’m so grateful that they’re all alive and we haven’t had to live through the pain of loosing children or now grand children.
Though I’ve wept with those who have gone through that unbearable loss and watched Gods grace and comfort do what only God can do.
I know some of these life and death issues are enormous and have a huge amount of mystery.
I don’t want to start some preachy thing here.
Why? Because I know you hear His voice and love Him the most.
I know you will live a full and an abundant life that He promised.
I want that for you and Bren and your beautiful boys and I’m praying for that.
Wherever you are in this world the safest place is in the centre of Gods will.
Even in martyrdom we’re invisible:)
Miss you all.
Lots and lots of love Lolo,
Tony
So beautifully written Tony you really have a gift. I love reading your poetry on FB. You really should write a book.
My uncle thank you for this, its just what we needed to hear. Brendon and i read it together last night and had tears well up. You are so right and we know these things too well. I just can’t seem to shake the suffocating fear that grips me every time we hear another story. But this is a challenge to me to trust God more and know his plan for my life. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that in gods will is the safest place. I love and miss you every day! Kiss my aunt for me. x
Beautifully written. We made this impossible choice 18 months again and left Cape Town for Melbourne. The things you have listed were all things I was heartbroken to leave behind. I still miss them enormously but not every minute of every day. A new life is exciting and we’ve made the decision to embrace it. Friends and family are the hardest, obviously but we’ve had family over to stay already and the kids loved having Granny here every day for 5 weeks. I have a list in my head of my favourite places and I will visit them all on our 1st trip back. Everybody says it but it’s true – Skype and Whatsapp make people feel so much closer. I trade long voicenotes every day with my most precious people back home.
5, 6 and 9 – sheesh, those are the biggies for me. My mountain, my glorious magnificent mountain. Little people that I love that don’t know me. And South Africa’s amazing souls. But my new home has so much to offer and we’re genuinely happy here. For me, what I’ve given up is worth it for the safer environment for my family. I sleep far better at night. My kids are thriving and their future here is more promising. That, for me, is enough.
Hi Leigh,
As someone who went through all of this 10 years ago, I found it interesting that your first comment was about racism. We use the ‘crime’ story to explain to our Australian friends why we left but the real reason, for me, was the racism. I wanted to live (and bring up my children) in a society where everyone was equal and had equal opportunities. I was sick of feeling guilty for being white and for not having done something major to fight apartheid. Voting against the Nat government apparently wasn’t good enough but my father wouldn’t have approved of my blowing up police stations. I got sick to death of every time I had coffee with my friends someone would say ‘have you heard about Mary, Joe, Peter or Bob or someone else who had been mugged, burgled, hi-jacked or raped’. I thought ‘this is not normal nor acceptable’ and then I started to feel that spiritually, I didn’t belong in this country anymore. So we justified the decision to leave by blaming the violence and crime but my decision was far deeper than that. My daughter has since returned to South Africa (because of a boy) and is very happy there and I am happy for her knowing she can always leave if necessary. Her generation see vibrancy & hope whereas I still see chaos. My sister still lives there & has a wonderful life. It is all about perspective but once the thoughts start, I think you owe it too yourself to act on them. Cape Town is beautiful, so is Melbourne. Missing family is a big issue but thank goodness for Skype and as far as having a domestic — seriously that’s not even a small issue. Its not easy to move but it depends on how you look at things. We asked the kids to focus on Australia being our home and not to refer to SA as back home and that this move was a new adventure and possibly one of many. It has been an adventure and has shown us that there are other beautiful and interesting places and people in this world. It is the best decision we ever made and I love Australia as much as I loved South Africa. Your home is where you choose to be happy. People will always play the heritage, guilt, desertion cards but those arguments disappear when you consider what your heart and soul really feel about your decision. All the best with your decision and it will be the correct one for you.
” I wanted to live (and bring up my children) in a society where everyone was equal and had equal opportunities.”
Do you know how racist the Australians are? or do you just mean you wanted to go somewhere where you feel equal but not necessarily people of colour? just curious.
I wish I had read this 7 years ago, I left not for your reasons you are contemplating but I left to follow my heart and my love whom I married, I am blessed to have found a tiny safe pocket where we don’t lock our doors and our 4 children are safe to leave bikes outside and play until it’s dark. Yet every single one of your pros, I cry for regularly, I have made great friends here, but they don’t come close to my family and friends I left behind. I have gotten to know my kids friends but they are never the same as that bond you make with cousins. My family have visited me and when I see the cousins laughing and playing together I wonder if it is worth it… I didn’t think my move through very deeply, my guess is I would have stayed had I realised what I know now. Good luck to you and the choices you make, don’t write SA off too quickly, she has much to offer and her people have Mich potential, I dream of returning…
I read ur article today while sitting in our new home in Thailand. We left South Africa on the 10th January this year. First being stationed in Vietnam by my husbands company then coming to settle in Bangkok this month. I read ur article and wept. Wept for all the things you state that I know are so true, the crime, the violence, corruption but most of all I wept for all the things u said u will miss.
I like many others left my family, friends and hardest of all our dog who was 100% the second child I longed for but never came.
My husband was a Director for a major retail company and we found ourselves every month just making it from pay check to paycheck. The cost of living just skyrocketing while all these useless government officials live like kings and queens, it’s disgusts me.
There is not 1 single day that goes by that I don’t miss home. Miss the people, the places the things we know, but, I no longer live my life afraid and this is what hits me the hardest!
I do not walk down the streets afraid, I don’t wake up when I hear a noise and wonder is this this night we fight for our lives? I see my 9 year old son even commenting on how much he loves it here because he feels safe.
It was by far the hardest thing we have ever done, but when the chance of leaving came knocking we left at the chance to better our lives and most importantly the life of my child.
Since we have been in Asia we have managed to have a wonderful home, plenty comforts, live like kings and queens ourselves and put away a lump sum of savings every month. I have no hope for South Africa and can just see in the few months since we have been gone how it has gone to the dogs even more. There is no utopia in the world. There is no country that is without its problems, Thailand has martial law I. Place right now, but there are countries where they are trying to better the lives of those who live in it and contribute to keep it running.
My advise to any one who is thinking of leaving is to pack ur bags and run as fast as you can, dont wait for tragedy to strike before u leave. Run Forest Run
I couldn’t agree more!
Hi Leigh,
A beautifully written piece… We asked the same questions a few years ago, made the big leap and even though I yearn for those I love and the special things entrenched deep in our heritage, I would not change this for anything in the world… The freedom is incomprehensible and the wonderful lives my little girls live is irreplaceable! Good luck with making the decision, I hope you find peace!
Lauren
Just do it Leigh!
I’ve done it alone 3 years ago, with a 4 year old, and I have never looked back!
Once you leave, you realise there is a whole big world out there that you didn’t even know or imagine existed!
I love SA too, but I havnt been home in 3 years and I’m not desperate to do so.
Social media and modern transportation means that you can be with family and friends again in a few hours, and in constant contact.
Make your life about you, not about worrying about your country’s effect on your life.
Spread your wings and embrace the opportunities life and God affords you.
I recently blogged about my family’s reasons for *not* leaving South Africa, but I understand why so many people make the decision to go. It is probably one of the most difficult decisions you’ll ever have to make, but in the end it’s a personal choice and you have to do what you feel is best for your family and ignore what anyone else thinks or says.
Written from my heart and my head! The hardest part I recently discovered about having a baby is not the sleepless nights, it’s the intense vulnerability that hits you like a brick wall the moment you look down at the tiny being in your arms, and realize your life and problems don’t matter anymore and the only thing you can think of is giving this little person the best life. I too am blessed with the opportunity to leave but can’t quite make the decision. This was a lovely read and an echo of my own heart. Thank you for making me feel I am not so alone in my thoughts.
Amber it seems so many are feeling this way, thank you for sharing your heart with me too xxx
Valid points made here and I too feel the same. However, we have made the decision to do everything we possibly can to give our daughter a better future. Unfortunately it will not be in our beloved SA. I will certainly miss my family and friends and the beauty this country has to offer. All the best to you!
Point 1 – racism is as prevalent in other ‘developed’ countries. I lived in London from 2000 – 2013. Felt it stron get there than SA. Ever.
Point 2 – ever had the misfortune of getting out at Brixton or Willesden Junction or another low-income suburban station in Paris, Madrid or Gothenburg? Still look over your shoulder – and you definitely don’t pull out your phone to Google map your destinaction. And that’s during the daytime!
Point 3 – Why would you trust the police when your democratically chosen MPs have legal rights to 2nd homes and private transport and more – and STILL cheat the Westminster system for MORE taxpayer’s money? (Reference the MPs expenses scandal.)
Don’t be blinded by the shiny green grass on the other side … It’s probably not as green as you think it is…
You have some very valid points thank you 🙂 i know there are real dangers everywhere, I’m just trying to minimise the risk 🙂 Where do you live now and are you happy?
Hi Leigh
This is so tough. I feel for you. I am a simple guy though. What is God saying? Surely that’s all that matters huh? I don’t want that to sound condescending. You guys are beauts. God will give peace one way or other
Thanks Jason yes you are so right! Ive tried to really put it in Gods hands and see where we are being led. But i can’t help feeling suffocated by the crippling fear of losing a child. all i can do is pray that God shows me where we are meant to be and that he gives us grace to live life happy and without fear. i know many people are faced with far worse so this can really sound so trivial in the bigger scheme of things. I honestly wasnt expecting so many people to read this and was really just my heart on paper! hahaha Ive had close to 1000 views and people are coming from SO many different angles in their responses.I in no way want to breed fear in peoples hearts and minds, merely express what i think so many south africans are facing. Thank you of your response and the encouragement. I Will keep those pearls close by 🙂
So wonderfully written Leigh. People say there are dangers everywhere, which you may say is true, but truly, not the dangers I would think you face. I feel lucky every time I do something and exception rather the freedom from fear, like walking my girls in their buggy through the beautiful forest that’s on our doorstep here in Surrey, without a care in the world. There are the realities of no domestic workers etc etc; however, that really is not a deal breaker. You adjust. And more easily than you’d think. I love South Africa and have seriously considered returning to be part of the group who have faith to see the country rebuilt; yet, since having my girls, I’m with you in thinking I could just not forgive myself if something happened to them, or Brent, or even me?! Anyway, what I’m saying is that I get you. I really get you. But also to say, as far as I can see, ‘God’s will’ is surely the great commission. To love others and see them come to salvation. And surely that can be done anywhere in the world? I may be wrong, but I’d hope that wouldn’t be something that hindered you having a different future. Anyway, just a few pennies worth but much love to you. Hugs to my precious shells please! Xxx
Gen you are a darling, thank you for your “two cents worth” – those are some wise little pearls and you hit the nail on the head. Its hearing you saying thongs like “without a worry” that make me want that too though. Im tired of feeling scared when I’m at home alone with kids or stressing every time i get them in and out of the car. I guess we just need to trust God more? Thanks for your input, those babies of yours are too delicious 🙂 xxx
So well stated, Leigh. And I totally feel you on all of this.
Hubby and I too made the decision to stay. Ours is rooted in the fact that the time we have left with our widowed mothers is not guaranteed, and thus we intend to maximize what we do have.
Also my sister made that leap years ago, and she has warned me of the intensity of the emotional and psychological impact it truly has – especially on someone who comes from a close knit fam like ours ( and as you say, like yours) Even when you’re 100% percent sure of it. Either way, I wish you good luck with your choices and your journey.
PS. It also sucks that you would now be moving, as I was looking fwd to getting to know u better!;)
Aaagh tracey its people like you who make it that much harder to leave. I really feel like this is where we belong so lets hope we decide to trust god whole heartedly enough to trust him and stay. It as so lovely meeting you and would LOVE to connect again soon ok? I don’t see why we need to wait till the next blog event 🙂 Thanks for sharing your heart with me too xxxx
Hi Leigh,
Great blog. I’m ANOTHER one that can totally relate to how you are feeling and what you are going through.
7,5 years my husband, myself and our 2 small children packed up and left SA. 8 weeks prior to this we had been victims of the devastating crime and felt enough was enough.
For us, the decision was easy as to where we should move to… UK. My husband has an EU passport and work was easy to find. We were soooo lucky!
We sold our new house (1 year old), we rehomed our beloved pets, we said goodbye to all our friends and family with heavy hearts……
The first 2 years were hard. We had to adjust to everything new but it was also VERY exciting and we had lots of “adventures”
It took me a year before I was brave enough to put my own petrol in my car 🙂
7,5 years later we are so so so happy with what we traded for. There has never been one day where we regretted our decision.
We live in a beautiful little village an hour away from London. Our house backs onto fields and woodlands and watch horses and cows from our bedroom windows.
We now have 4 children. I’ve been through the NHS many many many times and have no complaints … They’ve looked after us a lot. That’s free medical
My children go to outstanding state schools and get supported and taught just as well as private schools….but it’s free.
The government pays for my 3 year old to go to nursery school for 5 mornings a week….
I’ve used the ambulance /999 service before and they were at my door within a few minutes (and I live rurally)
Yes there is crime in the UK but the difference is the perpetrators get caught!
I can trust the policeman…. I can go on, there are ALOT of perks.
My parents have moved out here, my mother in law is here and my sister are now in the final stages of relocating here.
Go for it LEIGH!
Good Luck!
You should leave. Do it for your children. That alone is the only reason… I left SA in 2006. My mother misses me but she is at peace knowing I am safe. Imagine when your children are grown up at the rate things are going, imagine how worried you’ll be. Take the opportunity given to you today because you don’t know what will happen tomorrow, if you’ll be given that same opportunity.
I feel extremely sorry for the disadvantaged whites stuck in Africa with no means of escaping. Africa is an inhospitable place for whites. That’s a fact, sadly…
It’s not cowardly to leave, (It takes courage to start over!) But I do think that leaving very often betrays how much of a consumer we are rather than a contributor. We ask, what can my country do for me? instead of What can I do for my country? Any nation in the world is ultimately built on citizens who commit to contribute rather than consume. An economically savvy person told me, ‘If just 30000 financially resourced, tax-paying families left SA, there would be no greater damage done – even greater than the damage of corrupt politicians.’ The economically and skill-resourced people of SA are preserving this country in a profound way – most notably footing most of the bills. To leave may (or may not) help us, but it will certainly not help SA. It will only exacerbate the problems we leave behind for others. The question should not just be, ‘What’s best for me and my family?’ but ‘What’s best for the 50 million people who are my fellow-citizens?’My own concern: If the education levels were to plummet to the point that we could not educate our kids to compete economically at international standards, then leaving would be very enticing. As it is we are still able to give our kids a world-class education. The world is still their oyster.
Terran thank you!! The greatest blessing so far in writing this has been that i have been reminded by dear friends and family of the will of God over our lives and that people have openly challenged me on all fronts. Thank you for challenging me and being open to share some very valid points. Its certainly another way to look at things and i agree with you. The fact that you have entrusted god with the safety and wellbeing of 5 KIDS(!) is an inspiration to many and many x
Your thoughts are my thoughts too every single one of them. We have been living in Norway for 3 years now and let me tell you it’s not easy at all leaving it all behind. Yes, you will miss every little thing that you have come to know so well and lived with every single day, and yes home will always be where your heart lies, but the longing for what once was compared to the safety and security of the new life we have given ourselves and mostly our two girls outways all of that! I would move back to Cape Town in a heartbeat, but as a parent have to remind myself of how selfish that would be. Our girls (7&9) walk alone to and from school, play outside with the neighborhood kids (no walls and gates btw houses ), have travelled and seen the world, can speak another language and the list goes on. Besides the longing to be with family and friends back home and of course the warm weather, beach, biltong…..the list is endless, BUT their futures are secured here and we don’t bust the bank every month to pay for private schooling and savings schemes to pay for university. Make the move girlfriend, it’s not an easy ride, but will be so worth it in the end. Best of luck in whatever you decide!
Whether you stay or leave, there will be difficult times and happy times. There will be bitter and there will be sweet. This side of heaven, we strive for progress and not perfection.
My wife and I are in an identical boat.
Foremost, we are grateful to have the choice. Whether to stay in SA or leave for the USA. We are aware that for 90% or more of SA, their is no choice!
Secondly, I remind myself that God’s word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
Perhaps, it is less about the right or wrong decision and more about who makes the decision. My prayers are with you and your family. No, that you are blessed and that you are not alone.
Thank you for sharing honestly.
Don
Hi Leigh
My sons left SA 9 years ago and live in the UK, have lovely homes and told us that they had no intention of ever returning to live in SA. This left us feeling bereft and thinking of years to come not only being separated from our children but future grandchildren as well. Then my husband was retrenched and we took a leap of faith and moved to the UK in our late fifties. It’s wasn’t easy leaving family and friends but it has been the best two years in my life for a long time. You only realise when you have left how restricted your life is by crime, I now live without fear and even drive at night on my own! Our only regret is that we didn’t leave with our sons years ago.
No one can tell you what is best for you and your family but in all the time my sons were away and I missed them dreadfully, I never wanted them to come back and I would definatly not want my grandchildren to grow up in SA
If you’re going to do anything, do it for your children. We did. The grass is definitely greener on the other side. And we didn’t leave with fistfuls of cash. We arrived in a foreign country with a suitcase each, enough money to buy a clapped out old car and to put our 4 1/2 old in a private kindergarden for two months, one where we could drop him off at early in the morning and pick up at 6pm whilst we both went out looking for work. We were going go make it work, no matter how hard the struggle-for our child. And it’s been worth it let me tell you. We haven’t locked a car or door to our home in 15 years! We sleep with our windows wide open at night. This should be everyone’s privilege. Don’t be afraid. See it as the best adventure in your life because it will be. We haven’t been back in 15 years, we left everyone and everything behind. Sure it’s sad, you’ll get over because knowing how much your child/ren have benefitted outweighs any regrets. We have none.
Hi,
First of all it might seem like you are giving up lots now but once you move, you actually realize how much you were missing on in general!! I moved to Australia and don’t regret it one bit! There are so many South Africans here that the local super markets sell all South African treats! I have a few friends who still live in SA. They might have better cars and bigger homes but I have freedom. I have the freedom to ride our bikes to the beach and sit down to eat an ice-cream without any concern! I have 2 boys that can be boys an climb trees, ride bikes and walk to their friends place.
God is kind and doesn’t which a life of agony upon us! If people use the God and faith card on you it’s only because they are projecting their own fears on to you! Faith is knowing not matter what your decision will be God is there for you!(my opinion!) Make the choice for a healthier lifestyle and will have so much to be grateful for after!
Good luck.
Very well written,
I’ve just come across your website…. I left SA when i was 23 now 37 and have moved around LND/Singapore/OZ due to my husbands job. I have traveled much, but South Africa has to be one of the most beautiful countries i have known, there is nothing like i!. I left South Africa to do a gap year, got married and never returned. I never left because of the crime or anything like that, i just went as a lot of my friends where going so it seemed like a great thing to do! We were back in South Africa for X-mas i’ve not been back for years (got no family there), the crime rate really bothered me and i just could not relax with it and i found myself wondering why had i bought my children here, they picked up on the security issue without me saying anything. (“mom, what’s with the fences” “why is there Blue signs on everyone’s gate – security company.” I am a committed christian and i do believe in being in God’s will, but i also think that God give you choices. Some people just can’t leave SA as they don’t have the passport/points/cash etc…(then just make peace with that and enjoy your beautiful land!) Personally i think if you are going to leave, leave as young as possible so that you can earn a stronger currency (cannot stress that enough!) if you leave it too late it’s very hard to make it up financially. and you will never get that lifestyle you are used to in SA. If you leave early enough you can have it. Also keep in mind the grass is never greener on the other side, do your homework before moving (just because they speak English, culturally it can be worlds apart and you won’t work that out ‘on a look and see visit’! And if you are going to stay, enjoy the beautiful land of Africa, be positive and just go with the flow and pray that things do work out for the best. So to answer the question, i would not live in South Africa it’s too high risk for me, but for tho’s sitting on the shores of Africa, enjoy it’s beauty and soak up the endless sunrises/sunsets!
Really true article. I’m from Durban but live in the UK now. I miss my home all the time, but I too, worried about going out, being hijacked, not being able to sleep at night.
Being able to live now, in a Josue without burglar bars and treli door. No big fences and gates, I’ve been able to go out with my friends at night and walk home (I’m 25) I can go out by myself to the next town, on my days off because the UK has a good public transport system. So for those reasons I’m glad I’ve left. I think the states would be nicer though, it’s seems more similar to SA, well that’s what I thought anyway when I went over!
Well written article. You should not leave. I can clearly see here you’ve made a long list of what you are going to miss. No offense but I don’t think you have what it takes to pack up and go. I did it 18 months ago and it was beyond hard work hard even though I don’t give a shit about half the things you would miss. It’s not for everyone and there is no shame in that. Let’s hope you are not exposed personally to the violence you speak about here l, at that point all the moaning about the things you’ll miss will mean nothing. Your kids have a way better chance at a good life away from that place, that has to be clear in your mind and I am sorry to say, it doesn’t look like you are even serious.
All the things you listed which you would miss are the ones which cannot be replaced.
If you desperately need to leave SA then do it because you would never know until you try.
After 14 years in the US with good careers and everything at the click of a button I’m heading home, yes back to to SA. We have everything but we are lead a terribly lonely life, yes we have friends but nobody commits to true relationships. Life is material and meaningless. Ive encountered so much racism in my time here, I have changed and become more insular, my children are als changing. No matter how much I try to instill good values, society seems to snatch it away. I pray for our safety all the time and I hope to continue this in SA. The truth is I cannot go on the rest of life with my children having a Skype relationship with their family, this is not real. I’m coming home yes I’m coming home and there are many South Africans who want to and many who have returned, most are to embarrassed to do so. I’ve lived also lived in Australia and I felt it had no real culture but the USA this place is one huge abyss with no soul but everything material possession. Getting to my grave safely hell no….I want to enjoy the journey. I want to have real conversations with real people about real things.
Sorry forget to add.. Life is difficult here may I add. We have no help with our kids, no family and it is expensive. Many people judge you for your social status in life, both my hubby and I are Accountants we earn good money to lead a good life. But what is the definition of a good life? Is it a large house, relative safety, good food and good cars at the expense of family, good friends , real people, the sun the beach etc .
Hi Leigh, everything you are going through I identify with. But here is my 10c worth. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Eight years ago my wife and I left SA for the very reasons you are considering leaving. We settled in Australia, bought a house and started a business. And while we live in relative safety, can go for walks in the evening, park our car anywhere and know that it will be there when we return, I have never been so unhappy. I have friends and family still in South Africa, and I have been back several times to visit, and everyone thinks I am so lucky to be out of there. But here’s the thing: I cant wait to get back. Our house is up for sale, my business is for sale, and once everything is sold, I’m going back. My wife is determined to stay here and rent a place, but I’m going back. I figure I have around 20 years left (I’m 63) but why spend my twilight years without my kids and grandkids around me? The other factor that is playing heavily on me, is the slow cancer of islam. With the way Obama, Merckel, Trudaux and even Turnbull from Aus, are welcoming “refugees” into civilised western culture, it wont be long and there will be nowhere safe. Christianity is being booted out everywhere, but islam is not. Everyone is too scared to speak out against it, for fear of being labelled racist. Its not a race, its an ideology, one that I will never accept. So, I would rather deal with the crime, corruption and ineptitude of South Africa, and lock myself in securely at night, but be with family. Have weekend braais, birthdays, family dinners together, even though it will mean behind electric fencing and /or razor wire. Good luck with your decision.
You wrote my heart! We have just moved to Auckland from Cape Town this month, and yes we miss friends & family hecticly, but I no longer to to sleep stressing if tonight’s the night my family dies. Sounds over dramatic, but after a horrific event in my parent’s home this had been my anxiety every wakeful moment for the past 3years… Auckland is proving to be a fantastic substitute for Cape Town, we are finding areas to substitute – Devonport is our new Kalk Bay, North Shore beaches our new Boulders with warmer swimming water…. We will make new friends, we will adjust, we will thrive, but a piece of our heart will always remain in Cape Town.
Leigh – I know you wrote this article almost a year ago but I just stumbled across it on your site as I’ve been going through all these same questions recently. My head is a mess with the pros and cons, the whys and why nots. I found your post and all the subsequent comments so very interesting. Thanks for sharing your heart and for allowing your readers to do the same. At this point I don’t know where I am. I’d be interested to hear where you find yourself on the subject almost a year down the line???
Kath i still find myself in the exact same boat which doesn’t say much except that things are still BAD, if not WORSE! After Franziskas murder I’m straight back to wanting to leave and at this point it looks like we will. As sad as it is in some ways, we feel excited as a family to explore new parts of the world and go on an adventure! I would love you to take part in my series when i get it up and running again properly! I think so many people have so much to say, we are just too scared to say it for what it is. 🙂 By voicing these real feelings we can encourage and support one another which is what i hoped for this series to do.I would LOVE to hear your views and feeling Let me know 🙂