With all the politics we are facing as a nation, the talk on every parent’s lips seems to be whether to stay or as Julie Williams so aptly puts it “leave for the kids”.
It’s become a little unnerving, the amount of people who are seriously considering leaving our beloved South Africa ( I admit to being one of them before reading this post) and moving on to what they think will be brighter pastures, an easier way of life. And it’s pretty shocking how so many of us are hiding behind our children.
Here Julie who originally posted this on her husband’s awesome new blog The Dad Dude, tells us why they have decided to stay in our broken country, for the kids. Together this dynamic couple who have FIVE children, are changing hearts with the way they talk about South Africa and with these gentle reminders, they may begin to change yours too.
Meet the author behind this awesome post and her family: Julie, her husband Terran and their five kids Eli, Fyn, Ivy and twins Sam and Charlie. How ridiculous right?
Julie, Terran and their 5 kids Eli. Fyn, Ivy and twins Sam and Charlie.
This post was originally featured on The Dad Dude on December 12, 2015
Why we are staying . for the kids
(By guest blogger Julie Williams)
There’s a weird thing happening in SA. Well, to be fair, there’s a lot of weird sh@# going down. But I’d like to focus in on the niche weirdness of white, upper-class parents in SA at this point in time. And their seemingly unchecked yet (in my opinion) unbalanced rhetoric:
We’re really thinking about moving now. It’s such a pity. But we have to . for the kids.
We didn’t want to leave, but we’re going to now. Oh, not for ourselves . for our kids’ sake.
I can understand this kind of thinking for those parents now living in Syria. Or Iraq. Or maybe even England (given their dismal show at the World Cup). But South Africa? Seriously?
Are we even living in the same country? A country filled to the brim with problems certainly, but equally overflowing with good, kind people and millions of possibilities. A country where my kids (we have 5 of them!) get to run around barefoot most of the day, and go to excellent (public) schools. Where they get to sink their little faces into watermelons and lie beside the pool on hot bricks before rolling back in to cool down. A country where slowly, slowly this next generation are starting to see the world differently. Where my kid only realizes that another kid is different to him because of the curry on his sarmie . not the colour on his skin.
Without further ado, here are my 3 reasons for staying in SA for my kids.
1. I have more than five kids.
Calm down mom, it’s just a metaphor. There are no lost love children wandering the streets. Or maybe there are . because all those lost children out there : whose are they really? If not mine and yours, then they are truly, truly lost.
When you choose to jump ship with your 2 biological kids . I hope you take a second before leaping off to turn around and look at the kids you are leaving behind. Especially the 11,9 million (64% of all kids) who live in poverty. Don’t you realize that your leaving dwindles what little hope they have? You can blame the government of course, but there are far better ways of fighting back and advocating for our collective kids than by simply vanishing.
Any nation in the world is ultimately built on citizens who commit to contribute rather than consume. Someone told me, ‘If just 30000 financially resourced, tax-paying families left SA, there would be no greater damage done . even greater than the damage of corrupt politicians.’ His point is that the economically and skill-resourced people of SA are preserving this country in a profound way . most notably footing most of the bills, and creating jobs. To leave may (or may not) help you, but it will only exacerbate the problems you leave behind for others.
2. My kids need this place as much as this place needs them.
I’m not just staying because this country needs us. I’m staying because I need this country, and my kids need it too. Not just the good stuff either . the stuff we love about SA and where we live: blue-flag beaches, weather, lifestyle. I’m talking about the ugly stuff. The frightening days when we don’t know what tomorrow holds. When the going gets tough and we don’t get going. When it’s hard to forgive one another and our fellow citizens. When we have to wrestle with our dark collective past and the hurt it continues to inflict. When we choose to be part of the solution, rather than run away from the problems. When we have to dig deep, deep, deep to do all of this. I want my kids to learn how to dig deep. And there’s no better place to do that, than in Mzansi.
It’s here I get to teach my kids how to stick it out, spot opportunities in the chaos and fly alongside birds of a different feather as they do so. As one 4th century author put it: ‘If a conflict or disappointment comes upon you in the place where you live, do not leave that place when the trial comes. Wherever you go, you will find that what you are running from is ahead of you.’ (With twice as many SAffers returning to SA in the last 5 years than leaving, that wisdom proves true.)
3. I don’t live for my kids.
This point might sound foreign to some in our child-worshipping and comfort-centered culture.
But surely there’s more to life than the meaningless merry-go-round of getting into a good school, so I can get a good job, and a good spouse, and a good house, where we can have kids who get into good schools, so they can : ? Round and round we go ad nauseum.
Surely we exist to make a contribution? Surely it’s no accident that my kids and I were born in this beautiful, tortured roller-coaster of a country? Does this mean that we’re sentenced to stay? Of course not! But if we simply move when we want to, with no consideration for some kind of bigger plan at work, just consider what you may be forfeiting . for yourself and the place you were destined to be in.
Fleeing to another ANC (Australia, New Zealand or Canada) is a surefire way to attain greater comfort for my kids. But what about the significant impact them and I can make if we stay?
For example, an Australian friend who has relocated to African shores tells me how his dream to help others made him become a doctor. In Sydney, the high point of his career was being televised as he removed a nail from a farmer’s heel. In his first month in SA he helped more people than in the previous decade in Aus. Now he plays a role in turning the tide on HIV infections, an effort that will save multitudes. When you’re chasing significance, this is the land of dreams.
Ok, rant over. If you’re staying, I’ll see you at the beach. But if you were already packing your bags, I doubt I’ve convinced you to stay. Maybe you’ve simply lost faith in this country and in the part you can play in fixing it. I am sorry to hear that. By all means, go.
But when people ask why, please don’t blame the kids.
This has to be one of the most thought-provoking pieces of writing that I’ve read in yonks. The kind that needs to be heard by every South African parent (and non-parent for that matter) before they jump on the ANC (Australia, New Zealand and Canada) bandwagon.
So go forth dear ones and share this message far and wide and as my friends Julie says, I hope to see you on the beach!
Looking for some other amazing posts by Terran Williams? Go check out 6 ways to avert mutiny in your strong-willed child, Permission to get shockingly real about parenting small kids? and 7 ways to parent through your example.
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i certainly appreciate the positive sentiments. But wait till your kids are older and you no longer have control of their comings and goings. That’s when (plenty) of my friends children have been mugged , attacked and even had a knife held to one of their throats while enjoying a seemingly innocent night out with friends. Ones perspective changes quite radically at that point. I hope you can prove me wrong.
Those things can, and do happen in other countries – places that we, from our media-sanitised perspective, think are safe!
I have friends in the USA who don’t want to send their kids to school because they’re afraid they’ll get killed in a shooting spree (which happen almost weekly – we just don’t hear about them). I know people who wish their teenagers hadn’t grown up in the UK because they’ve been given a poor education and been exposed to and become hooked on drugs, or who’ve been attacked and/or assaulted in similar circumstances to what you described. I’ve met SAffers who’ve gone to the UK to teach – and then returned home so their kids can get a better education in South Africa. I know people who moved to Aus because a family member was raped – and then they were assaulted & raped in the so-called safety of their new Aus home! The world is a hard place, filled with people who are capable of doing very horrible things – and no matter where you go, you stand a chance of encountering them.
To reiterate the blogger’s quote: ‘If a conflict or disappointment comes upon you in the place where you live, do not leave that place when the trial comes. Wherever you go, you will find that what you are running from is ahead of you.`
Guess what my dear. The same thing happens in overseas countries as well. What do you expect if you go out at night into cities where drunk, crazy people hang out. This sort of thing happens in Auckland all the time.
These things also happen in other countries, SA is not the only country in the world where bad things happen.
So instead of running away, we should teach our children how to be safe and what to do in these situations.
Chris,
These things do not happen in other countries. I lived in Belgium for 12 years and did not once come across people murdered in their beds by burglars. For that matter, I didn’t come across any burglar bars either.
Now that I am living back here, I find the amount of effort people have to go to and money they have to spend to keep themselves safe simply astounding. And I never would have realised it if I hadn’t lived somewhere else for a bit first.
Megan
Megan
Same thing happened to my daughter the other night in Durban North – pulled up at a robot and set upon by 7 black youths – thank God she managed to get away – she went to report the incident to the Cops and they told her to go home. The government want our money (taxes) but they don’t provide us with safe neighborhoods, decent services, education, health facilities, squat. Like Zimbabwe, South Africa is not sustainable with the government we have.
Dear Julie
Good article, but you right, might not make a strong enough case to make anyone stay, plus Countries overseas, well some of them look after their people and the schools are mostly free, the public schools. Maybe not so much just for the kids, but definately for a better quality life and there is so much to see and do….exploring differennt cultures and different kids of people….broadening the horizons. Yes, SA is a beautiful country, but what does that mean when its rotten at its core? The ANC countries you quote are not where im thinking of going, Maybe Austria or Amsterdam, (different A’s). 🙂 There are many reasons to want emigrate, here are my reason (or valid reasons) i think to want to emigrate:
1. Family not close
2. More opportunity for my daughter to study (given the recent toi toying at Universities and they are allowed to get it right to tear down statues)
3. More salary, and more enjoyment of it, when you have a job over there……our economy is quite expensive and we have to pay for everything… Schools are free and they give 14 salaries, extra for June and December for Holidays.
4. Our country lack of leadership, and shameful parliamentary decisions..(i will not say more) 🙂
5. For love of travel, to explore other countries History, if you love History like we do, museums, the abundance of theatre shows and cultural events and lastly which is a big plus for me
6. Kind President’s who have a heart for the people, and who look after their citizens, who rule with stern fairness which I admire and who let justice prevail. Who have a no nonsense approach, me being a black or white kind of person myself. Also crime stats are far lower, and more employment.
So all round, its a plus if you want to. Its doable, but since I am a Christian you have to consult the Lord Jesus where He wants you and move forward with Guidance and Wisdom from Above. I know too I cannot sway anyone either…but thats just how i feel. God bless.
I have a feeling that the ANC are deliberately making the country unbearable to live in, to drive the white people out. They want a 100% black Africa. They are obviously very short sighted.
If they don’t want the white man around then they also have to give up all white man inventions, namely: telecommunications (cell phone, internet, etc), All modern vehicles (cars, trucks, trains, planes, etc) all buildings that are not mud huts, appliances, TV, etc. The list goes on and on.
The black people of Africa need the white man. These African leaders have to realize that we live in a global village. They must come to the party of get off the planet.
Where would they be without the white man. In the stone age!
That is asinine. On all levels.
I agree Khethiwe!
Terry you are clearly stuck in the 1980’s.. grow up
Very thought provoking!
I think that maybe this quote is incorrect since it doesn’t make sense:
‘If just 30000 financially resourced, tax-paying families left SA, there would be no greater damage done . even greater than the damage of corrupt politicians.`
Surely it should read – ” ,there would be great damage done – “
Same thing sarah 🙂 no greater damage done means great damage 🙂 Its the worst kind….
Eh, guess she hasnt had immediate family tortured at gun and knife point. So glad my bags are just about packed. My duty is to look after my kids, not to make people making difficult decisions in their families best interest feel like cr*p.
Leaving SA is not an easy thing. I’ve done it and I want to return. I live in NZ and making friends with Kiwis is near impossible. Just ask other foreigners as well. I’ve been here for 15 years and I don’t have a single Kiwi friend. They don’t have open hearts like Saffers. I’m constantly reminded by them that I’m from SA and it makes me feel like an outsider all the time. One just does not feel that welcome here.
Also remember that the cost of living in OZ, NZ and Canada is not cheap at all. The Rand actually has 40% more buying power than the NZ$, even though the dollar is a stronger currency. So if you don’t plan on travelling, then you can buy 40% more groceries in SA than in NZ (as an example).
Not to mention the cost of rent and houses in places like Toronto, Vancouver, Sydney, Melbourne, London and Auckland, where most South Africans tend to settle. The quality of houses in these cities is also shocking (heard of leaky homes before?). Give me a solid Brick & Tile SA house any day! Convert your Rands to another currency when you move and unless you have 10’s of millions of Rands you will not be able to buy a decent home in your new country, let alone rent anything decent.
Speaking from experience – The grass is NOT greener on the other side – it’s just a different colour !!!
I’m sorry to hear that that happened to you and your family, but these things also happen in other countries, SA is not alone in this.
Most of my family now live in either the UK or NZ…none of us would change it for the world. I frequently leave my front door open or forget to lock it when I leave. I walk home at midnight after a shift on my own. My sisters kids are safe. I have no fear any more. I’m not stupid, I know bad things happen here, but here it happens a lot less. I’m still careful….but I don’t live scared. Not everyone has to leave, but well done for making the right choice for you.
What a great article and yes I’m leaving because of my kids. We are returning to South Africa from the US early next year because I want a better life in SA. My kids are slowly becoming self centred, arrogant young kids. I thought I chose a better life for them but they are surrounded by so much material things they have forgotten what’s it like to truly live and enjoy simple things in life. Family love, true friendships,good food that’s what life is about. I cannot wait to return to real life in SA, every time I return from a holiday I realise how amazing SA is. Recently we spent 6 weeks in SA in July and yes I can say that hand on heart that SA is surrounded by beautiful people’s, real lives. Yes there is crime, yes poor leadership but I have faith and I love my country to much to give up. My children will have a future and the youth are going to define it!!
l am one of the many that have recently left, and yes I did leave for my daughter, but more importantly for my own sanity.
I agree with a lot that your author wrote about, but after living in the UK 1994-2004, I returned as I was desperate to be part of the new South Africa.
I struggled to adapt in the new South Africa, as being away for that length of time, l noticed how much standards had dropped.
Over the last ten years, l constantly questioned why l returned, but stuck it out regardless.
Four years ago my daughter came along, and that changed my outlook on South Africa. I started to think about the future, and even though we had a beautiful home in Durbanville (paid for by working in the UK), in a suburb that I grew up in as a kid, l still was not entirely happy in South Africa.
I had got used to first world and the novelty of Third World Africa was wearing thin on me. I had also got used to good governance, and like most South African’s l was extremely frustrated with by poor governance, inept official’s and corruption. I have been at odds with BEE and the over inflated prices specifically with government tenders, as all it has done is made a few rich and contributed to corruption and inflation.
As for affirmative action, how long are we going to have to endure it? Until every White Senior and Middle management has been retrenched or replaced or passed over? These are issues many white South Africans grapple with on a daily basis, and the stakes are high. Loss of livelihood in South Africa for a middle aged white would in the majority of cases see the cards fold in very quickly.
As for holding hands and watching the ship go down slowly, it is something South Africans will have to decide on for themselves. I am comfortable with my decision to leave with my family, and have no intention to return to live in South Africa. As for you author’s figure about the number of people returning, l don’t think his figures are remotely accurate. When setting up our offshore account, we were told by our consultant about the number of families leaving and what was apparent, was that they had sold up and were not returning. They were not officially emigrating, just disappearing off the system, and slowly emptying their local account’s over a period of time. The government has no clue how many people have officially left, but assume they are working abroad and will bring back revenue to South Africa.
The reality most won’t return as once you leave the likelihood of finding employment upon their return is slim, unless you are a doctor or have a specific set of skills, even if companies or corporates wanted to employ, they would be unable to due to their affirmative action policy’s.
The cost of living in South Africa has gone up by a factor of three, and that is since I returned in 2004, when the Rand was R5 to the Dollar. It was relatively cheap to live RSA, compared to the UK, but fast forward ten years and the average South African is struggling to keep their heads above water, and even the UK visitors’ say South Africa is expensive and no longer good value for money.
As for the crime, it was a factor that came into play, doing my duties on Neighborhood Watch, having an intruder coming down my passage way, lack of police support, maybe I am asking too much.
What I can tell you, is that I am less stressed in the UK, my tax goes to services that I can physical see, l am not looking over my shoulder every time I approach my car, or checking my surroundings every five seconds, getting stressed in traffic by some idiot cutting in or not stopping at stop street’s, not stressing when I go away for the weekend if my house will be broken in, or if I hear a noise in the garden.
What I do like is that I can park my car on a scenic route next to the road, not have to pay someone to look after it, go away for hours with no risk of getting mugged and come back to a car that is not stolen or broken in to.
The children go to school on their own, in a safe and friendly environment, and l and everybody else don’t have to pay a penny as my taxes pay for it . Free education for all, no paying for pre school, books, get free lunch, extramural only uniform.
Driving on UK road’s just shows how bad South African drivers have become, as the good drivers are swallowed up by the wild west type of driving, road rage and carnage. Over here the idiotic drivers stands out like a sore thumb, and you see one once in a blue moon. They stop at stop street’s, stick to the speed limit’s, don’t tailgate and it is a pleasure to drive here. There are consequences to bad driving and you will get points on your license or get banned.
I am happy to leave RSA for all the above, but mainly because l am disappointed that yesterday’s comrades who preached Communism and Socialism to the masses, like your Tokyo’s, Rhamaphosa’s,Sheikhs, Zuma’s to name but a few, embraced capitalism, champagne and caviar to levels that surpassed even the National Party. Overnight they became not millionaires but billionaires, on BEE deals and sitting on Board of Companies using their Political connections to line their pockets and the companies they represented to fleece money off the government through corruption and other means.
I am happy for you author of the article that he has faith in the future of South Africa, but it all sounds lovely, but in reality it is not an accurate description of South Africa.
It is an expensive country, with an economy that is barely growing, run by a government that is incompetent, corrupt and determined to run the country to the ground and it’s citizens dry of their hard earned money by expecting the existing small tax base to pay and pay again.
Two years ago they said that the Power infrastructure required was going to make the arms deal look like a baby. Well they were not wrong, and economists warned that it was unaffordable, as at current levels’ of the number of Public sector workers, including paying and maintaining the fleet from the Arms deal, the tax base was not large enough.
They were not wrong, and with just above junk status, the cost of borrowing from IMF means RSA are going to pay through the nose if they can qualify.
News flash RSA is not as important in the international arena as they would like to think. Our mineral reserve’s are not as great as we would like to think, and we have people talking Zimbabwean politics, which frightens any large scale investment to help the economy grow and reduce unemployment.
Unfortunately the weakening Rand might help the government from seeing disillusioned South Africans from leaving, as it is becoming monopoly money.
I bit the bullet at Twenty to the Pound, a price worth paying, and that was only a few months ago. RSA is not important to entering the growing markets, overseas companies are dealing directly with host countries. RSA is also not held in high regard due to it stance with OAU and supporting dictator states, and not supporting European interventions in Middle East.
RSA is trying to punch above it’s weigh in the international arena, when they can’t manage their own domestic problems.
I realised I didn’t have the patience or tolerance to live in RSA, but I wish all those that stay all the best, and hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
It is an amazing country, the Nats could not destroy its beauty and neither can the ANC.
Hmmm…,the Nats then?.
South Africa was a lot better off pre 1994, even for most of the blacks.
I am by no means condoning apartheid, but when overwhelming numbers took over ,exactly what decent people feared happened.
Ask Nadine Gordimer why she left. We needed a black leader that could lead and not just talk.
I left in 1998 because it did not take a genius to see the writing on the wall, you must just decide for yourself who should take responsibility for it all.
Take your pick, all the well meaning do-gooders, the vitriolic English press,
The clueless progressives?.
I left an island with 15 reasonable people on it, that got outvoted by 60 others led by their noses by 4 oppertunists, only in it to strip the resources for themselves.
Ps. I agree 100% with your view of life. In the UK, but I won’t be going back .
Thank you Julie. This has really given me added perspective. Very strongly contemplated the trek to Aus due to the past week’s events and more. Already started the paperwork….But since a day or 2 ago I have slowly been leaning towards a big “NO! Why run?” and reading this just really tipped the scale for me. Thanx
What about the teens who are committing suicide because they don’t see a future for themselves. They feel hopeless. How will they get into university? If they do, will they even find jobs? Being positive is wonderful, and taking responsibility for orphaned and homeless youth is very noble, but ultimately my child comes first. I am all for doing my part in society, but when when you have a government who is so corrupt, and does not DO THEIR PART, who steals the money meant for the homeless, orphaned youth, what change are they bringing about? Or do “they” not need to worry, since most of their children have the opportunities to go and study outside of our country? We life in a monkey see, monkey do world. The example our leaders are setting is not meant to churn (for lack of a better word) out “better people”, its not set up for that. If I keep giving and giving do the government really need to change their ways? Or are we just perpetuating the “poor us, we need more, so we can do less” mentality? The sense of entitlement that is so huge in this country? How long am I meant to pretend not to be proud of who I am , of what my ancestors achieved and did, because being white is so offensive somehow? I do not agree in any way shape or form with “apartheid”. I do not think people “must just get over it” either, because it is just not possible to “get over it”. What everyone must though start to understand is that I can be proud of who I am DESPITE the things which I disagree with. I can treat you like you are on par and equal to me, since we have had the same opportunities for a little while now, since you as a black person have more assistance right now to get better jobs, education, a better chance than I do. I am a very proud white South African, but yes i am looking at other opportunities, other countries who may appreciate my skills, the skills of my husband, and who is prepared to offer my son a chance based on HIS ACHIEVEMENTS not on oust him for the colour of his skin!
About the kids wanting jobs, etc AFTER Uni. I think the world changed a long time ago regarding a formal higher education. Nowadays, It’s about creating your own job and future. Even in overseas countries, there are no guarantees of jobs for Uni leavers. You have to be entrepreneurial in your approach to life and not rely on or expect to find a job.
Back in my day, you would leave school/Uni, apply for a job and just get it. Every job I applied for over a 12 year period I would get that job in just one interview. I did not have to ‘shop’ around. Those days are gone for most now.
You will change your mind when there is a high jacking right on your kids’ school grounds, when your daughter’s sweet 16 gets mauled by thieves, when your Sunday afternoon braai gets messed with thieves jumping the walls and keeping you tied up for hours, when they break into your home and kick your daughter around….. when one of your sons looks after one of your friends’ house for the weekend and he gets attacked and kicked in the head and promised to be killed at the end of the night… Again, “rose tinting” the chaos that is happening in SA. Do your kids a favor, (and you are not hiding behind them) give them an opportunity to live in a country where is it safe to just sit in your garden and enjoy the sun. Here…. not happening anymore. Its over. Not agreeing with this article when right at this moment, a march is going for against crime. Raping an 83 year old Chinese woman and 63 year old Chinese man in JHB??? No. Leave this country, not JUST for your kids, but for YOU.
You do know this stuff happens in other countries, right? South Africa is not alone in this.
And if everyone rushed off to ‘safer countries’, then they too will become flooded with crime and criminals.
Rather, stay, make a difference, educate and change people’s lives so that they do not resort to violence and crime. We cannot always run away from our problems, sometimes we have to work together to fix them.
I’m going to be honest here, I’ve never heard of what she is saying happening in the UK and I live here. If it happens it happens once in a blue moon. The same is not true of SA. I’m not saying that you should leave, I’m just saying there needs to be a valid balance in statements made as fact. It’s not that they don’t happen, it’s the frequency that it happens that needs to be considered.
Chris, I’ve seen this “it happens in other countries too” comment several times on this comment thread now.
You do realize that there were 68 people murdered in New Zealand last year, and 100 people murdered in South Africa in the last 2 days ?
If you account for population size differences and calculate the number of murders per 10 000 people then South Africa has a murder rate of 3.5/10000 and New Zealand has one of 0.15/10000.
So South Africa’s murder rate is 23 times higher. How can you, with a straight face, say that it happens in other countries ?
I cant wait to one-day leave this awefull country SA). been unemployed for 2 years now and I have advanced degrees and a registered professional, but Im white so there is no possibility for me to provide for a family one-day here. I have never been a racist and I hate that term (we are all human of one blood- learn some genetics and history). I will not raise my children in a place where they will be hated and treated as 2nd class citizens just because their skin is lighter. The majority of us younger generation have no hope for the future because we see the degeneration of this country and therefore we do not love this place. Im am looking at Russia for a possible future.
If only black people during Apartheid could have said or done the same thing… They were all treated worse than (what you say) ‘second class citizens’ because of the color of their skin. Can you not see the irony in your words?
Rather try and fix the system if it’s broken, because remember, not everyone can run away from their problems.
Guys i realise this has become a very heavy debate, something the author (Julie) was probably hoping, but in a more positive light. I understand we all have our strong opinions and sentiments, especially those who have been affected by crime and joblessness and don’t see hope. On many days i am one them, i assure you. I loved this article and chose to publish it because for the ‘upper class white south african” i think we still have hope. We can still make change and leaving may not be the best option. In saying that, i realise that for may people are leaving out of pure desperation and after much careful consideration. Julie, nor I never want to undermine those who have mindfully and carefully made those kind of decisions. For the sake of the united South African in all of us, lets refrain from harsh words and judgements. We are all doing our best. Thank for your comments and shares. Leigh
Hi everyone – thanks for reading my post. I never guessed that it would illicit such strong responses – so many of you have since written to say that it’s nudged you toward staying or returning – wow! Others have felt it to be judgey and dismissive of their very real concerns. In light of this, I’d like to just say that I think some of you may have mis-read it. It was very specifically directed at a very niche category: affluent South Africans that are right now considering leaving simply because things are getting uncomfortable politically. Not because their (of their kids’) lifestyles and livelihoods have been affected. I do not believe that emigrating is wrong, and I understand the pressure many face (crime, employment, etc). My brother lives overseas, as do many of my friends and I understand well the push and pull factors they (and many others) face. I don’t judge them for it. There are many valid reasons for feeling the need to relocate. But that’s for another post – not mine. Finally, my conclusion wasn’t the same ‘just go’ sentiment of the government. I explicitly say that if you feel that you have lost hope in this country and in your part in fixing it, then by all means, feel free to go. It’s not meant to come across as dismissive but rather as a more authentic reason for going and a generous salute to therefore do so.
For goodness sake: don’t spew the assumption that people go because they have lost hope in it and the contribution they feel they can make. Typically when people lose hope there might be underlying depression, ptsd etc – you are going to deride people for being weak and hopeless and to contribute to the stigma of mental health by implying that people are weak and not strong or noble enough to stay? Some people leave, regain their strength and hope to the point where they can give back to SA because it is what they have always been driven to do: networking, raising money, supporting projects where the foreign currency packs a punch in rand terms. And don’t look at the little contribution they make with rose-tinted glasses. If this woman’s children are in good public schools it is because of the area she lives where her children are given more.. who knows maybe they can even afford private schools but choose not to in order to save when they could open up those places for people who don’t have that option. (a whole other host of dilemmas). I would be more swayed by her if she listed the ways in which she does outreach work and practically
contributes because reading what she has written I don’t believe she does.
I wish the family of the author of the article, GOOD LUCK, I hope it works out for you and you won’t regret your decision! Watch this space!
I appreciate a well-written piece, but honestly, the author is so desensitized to reality in South Africa that he has given up dreaming of a better life for his own children. It’s apparent that he needs to travel the world and understand what true freedom is. While it’s certainly lovely to run around on the beach or lie next to the pool all day, etc. etc. looking after your children’s future is much more important than these small luxuries that quoted as quality of life.
We left SA 20 years ago and I miss SA every day, but I have NEVER regretted the decision. Each time I return I realise with shock how much deterioration there has been in the last 20 years. In fact, the SA I left has been gone for a very long time and it was not really I that left at all.
Today my children have access to free world-class medical treatment should they need it, they have decent first-world education provided to them free of charge and a stable social structure reasonably free from violence, corruption and hatred. They will have access to top universities and colleges at a reasonable cost some day provided they work hard. And most importantly they will be able to get jobs and make something of their lives. They understand that there is no entitlement without hard work, but at least they have the opportunity to be able to live their dreams. And for that I was willing to take the risks to move to a different country. I don’t have a housemaid or gardener or a massive swimming pool or lovely weather all year round and I work and pay my taxes but at least I have given my children something the author’s children will most likely never have. A future to look forward to.
In SA people are still being unfairly discriminated against, racism is alive and kicking, there is no social system to talk of to protect the vulnerable and the recent fiasco of the financial system does not inspire confidence for anyone’s future. As for all the vulnerable people in society, if all the people who are actually staying in SA put their money where their mouths were….instead of relying on the foreign charities that I donate to regularly to sort things out?
I do wish everyone staying in SA well but your decisions are you and your family’s future, no one else’s.
I know this person says he lives in South Africa, but I firmly believe he is actually living in La la Land.
The reasons he gives are childish and disconnected from reality. We should stay… For the “greater good”..???
Tell that to your child who couldnt attend a world class university or be able to get a job that would allow him to compete in this global world. Or even afford to leave SA because the exchange became (even more) ridiculous. So that I can pay the taxes of a generally corrupt government that pays itself largesse at my and my children’s expense…? Why?
Everyone has there view and a right to voice it, but please don’t describe this article as even remotely thought-provoking. It really has just dumbed-down this debate in my opinion.
I understand the article is directed to a niche affluent predominantly white South Africans however I am a educated young coloured single mother who has work for a large petroleum company for close on 10 years with a hope in hell of permanency. I’ve seen so many qualified and not so much qualified BBEEE permanent appointments in that 10 years. I lived in Elsies River Cape Town, in the midst of gangsterism and poverty, with daily property invasions and decided before my 4 year old son and I are raped and murdered for the very little we have the best is to leave. When living in fear is a norm that’s not a life want my child to know. I want him to know the freedom of running in a playground without fear of being snatched, I want him to enjoy his garden with the fear of a property invasion, I want him to sleep at night without the fear of being woken by a break in and threatening by strange scary men. I need it for myself just as much!
I respect the niche affluent predominantly white South Africans, who choose to stay but for a single parent in limited income this is the best for my little family!
Each to their own I guess. Lovely article written through rose tinted glasses. How wonderful to be untainted by the disaster that South Africa has become. I wish you all the luck in the world as you continue to align yourself with a run away train.
Those who chose to leave may use the crutch of “I’m doing this for my children” but you fail to recognise the pain that brings on such a statement. Don’t be so naive as to believe it’s an easy choice. If you’re never actually left, you have no idea how difficult the decision is.
We all feel the need to justify our decisions to stay or go, but most of us don’t place that justification on a public forum.
Left SA because of my kids? Damn right I did, that’s what good parents do. We put our children first and make sure they are safe and have the best opportunities in life. My heart may always be with Africa, however I’m forever grateful to my new land, who allow my kids to walk to school without fear and have opportunities to do whatever they want to do without it being about what colour you. Good luck with your choice to stay and may the force be with you!!
I’m 46 years old , white ,with no degree and most people would say that I’m doomed …. Lol. I run my own business , I employ 6 people , I live a fantastic life on the coast and earn excellent money .. My friends all have their own businesses and NONE of them are in any rush to leave ..
Oh yes , one other thing.. I lived overseas for 5 years from 1999 to 2004.. It was fantastic .. And I made enough money to buy my first house in SA for cash … But I’m back … And I’ll stay .. I’m not gonna try convince anyone to stay … Do what you want … Just know , that when you leave , there’s still bills to pay .. Kids to feed , and if you’re unlucky enough to work for someone else … There’s still some boss who couldn’t care less about your problems …
On your Team Gavin. I got kids to feed and my own business to do it with. We are comfortable and also very aware that we need to beef up security etc etc. Im not starting at the age of 49 again! I think this country is slowly turning around. by the time the kids start working I think there will be opportunity . ANC has cocked it up so much that they will have to move on! Make way for MUSA!!
Honestly, if you guys want to go (commenters) please do but don’t sling insults at my country. If you honestly think you are fleeing to a safe haven of milk, honey and hand holding I feel for you. Violence is not exclusive to South Africa.
South Africa is one of the most violent countries in the world. Yes, things happen in other countries too, but here in Aus the police are good. they pitch up. are not corrupt. the list goes on. Don’t be ignorant about this fact.
Please don’t use that as the basis of your argument!
South Africa is an amazing country that is taking too much strain. I really hope and pray that things change and do believe there is a future (I hope so as all my loved ones are still there!)
But I do believe it will get worse before getting better. And we left, not out of fear but because of a great opportunity.
We LOVE it here. And not because its good for the kids. its good for US as a family.
Each to their own. Hardest decision you will ever make and REALLy tough to make the move.
I am a kid of a parent who decided to stay for the kids, and I am so grateful for it, however now my mom is there alone in a house that has so much security it is basically like a prison and I am the one constantly concerned. I moved so that I could move my mom over , because as much as we look at at the future for our kids, I’ve seen how the public “care” for the elderly and I don’t want my mom landing up in one of those places. For years I was torn between leaving and staying and I have now left, often people say you chose the “easier life” , neither is easier, both have difficulties relevant to their situations. We should rather be supporting each other whether staying or moving, because no matter what passport you eventually take to the grave, we are all human.
If you stay , don’t judge those for going and if you go, don’t judge those for staying.
I left South Africa to follow my love and see the world. I did not return because of my 4 daughters. The one time I brought all 4 back we escaped a hijacking late one night on a lonely road. I’ve never been so terrifyingly fearful in my life: for my wife and children. I live in Australia now and many of the Saffans who have made the move here did so after suffering crime related traumas. They are still suffering. They were fortunate in that they could choose a different future, and they have.
I return every year and I love it, I could move back today, but I would have been deeply irresponsible if I had moved my children back here. I admire Saffans who stay, this honourable and important. My peers in South Africa are doing well and there appears to be plenty of opportunity for them still. There are many however who have become truly traumatised and have taken their opportunity to find a safer future for their children. There are others who would leave but can’t.
I think this sums it up perfectly.
Thank you for this thought provoking peace. I read with regret that the majority of those commenting here are rather angry and are responding emotionally. I’m totally perplexed by some a White South Africans and their thinking patterns honestly. I’ve lived half of my life in apartheid South Africa. There were just no opportunities for a Black child. It was worse for those of us who lived in villages far away from the city. The village life is all we knew and of course the rest of what we knew was that which we heard people speak about. Some of our brothers and sisters were killed in the cities while protesting against the injustices of apartheid. But we endured, we pushed boundaries, and here we are. We too have been victims of crime, we too lock our doors and double check if the doors a indeed locked. Our children have been assaulted, our sisters don’t have jobs, we are unhappy with the ANC and believe me I am and so are many friends of mine. But I’m honestly tired of this ranting without doing anything. I’m tired of these comments that some of you make as if you never lived in apartheid South Africa and are still enjoying White privilege. See, I’m well travelled and have been pretty much everywhere, I’ve not heard people moan like SOME White South Africans do. It’s really annoying. We love you and I wish you’d stay – persevere through hardship, help build this country and contribute meaningfully to the betterment of all South Africans. But if life is about you and your children, please, by all means, pack your bags and leave. Wherever you go, there you are. Let those of us who want to stay, stay and if we get killed, so be it and if our children are assaulted, we will comfort themand help them forgive , stand up again and forge ahead, like we, their parents have done back in the day and our lives are still great throughout the hardships.
Thank you Frank, one should look at the greater picture and those who have endured, and for the next generation we should still endure, because God has an amazing plan with foundation of Africa, and I want to be part of it…
That’s very honorable. But, (please don’t take this the wrong way) who cares. We all strive for a better quality life. That’s the root of survival and what has driven all life to develop as it is. You will comfort your family after being victimised by crime while knowing that you don’t have to endure that elsewhere?
Your comment couldn’t be more true. As a Coloured South African who grew up in Apartheid, I have got an education. Moved out of my area and tried everything to give back to my community.
There are many other friends my age who have done the same. I have not and will forgot where I come from. Poverty and poor education is the cause of many problems in SA. We all aim for a better life for ourselves and our kids. But many people who are commenting negatively on this blog, are self centred morning bunch of disgruntled expats. When I lived in the UK for many years I stayed away from these people. One wonders why if they are so happy in their new found country, why do they bother to have an opinion on SA and it’s issues. They don’t give back to help the people in SA or care a damn. My only conclusion is that they need to reassure themselves they have made a ‘better’ life for themselves.
I so appreciate your optimism and honesty. I am happily living in my aNc, my home, my New Zealand, where my heart beats at a pace that my health agrees with. We didn’t just leave for our kids, we left for all of us…an adventure, a life, health, joy, safety, love, to be surrounded by people who feel the same way we do about where we live…after a hijacking, armed robbery and several attempted robberies it is the only way I can honestly say that we have LIFE. We have LOTS of incredible expat SA friends here…only one has returned…and is coming back next month. We chose to start again financially, to leave our people and everything we know. What we know now: we have found that our people can be kiwis, expats, family in SA…we know far more about what life is. You only know the extent of the trauma of what you left behind when you realise what life you can have. Watching my children now, feeling the cool breeze on my face, hearing laughter in the playground and sitting in the quiet…makes every skype call and birthday card in the mail worth it. Everyday. It takes courage and faith and balls of steel…it isn’t for everybody…but it is for us…and virtually every South African who becomes a friend when you chat in the mall, on the phone, at parties, just because they praat the taal in the streets. SA taught us some incredible things, which are carried with pride…but it is not home anymore. Blessings for some reconciliation for you all today xoxox
We left Africa 16 years ago ” because of the kids” – as Zimbabweans we have watched the friends we left behind go from a very comfortable living to one where they are economic prisoners with young adults who struggle to find work despite degrees and education. Do not fool yourselves – South Africa has a long road ahead. Its hard anywhere in this world – but my kids have good degrees and their work is based on their worth and experience – not on their race or political belief.
We all share the sentiment, we would ALL be back in SA in second.
However the reality is 2 fold,
1) financial and sustainable job to be able to pay for a family, house, cars, etc. In western nations this is way more affordable I know. Because I have done both in last 5 years. Saying be an entrepreneur and all this nonsense does not apply to people who need a regular pay check.
2) safety. Nothing more needs to be said. Crime is not the same, as anywhere except the rest of Africa. Don’t kid yourself. Its insane in SA.
If I had a trust fund I would be there shouting out about how great it is, but I don’t.
People need to use their common sense. Most of what you hear in the comments here is an over exaggeration of a truth. Everywhere has pros and cons and their hardships and challenges.
But nowhere I have been in the world so far have I experienced the kind of racial tension that I have experienced in South Africa. Like the frog who stays in the pot that is boiling it alive, you need to step out of the situation to be able to assess the situation. Those who have would agree almost 100% that things are not going well and won’t for some time to come.
Don’t you want better?
Sacrificing your children on the Altar of Altruism is simply mind boggling!
My wife and I and three little girls left RSA in 1980 in the anticipation of what has transpired there. We still have family there who bitterly regret not following us. I talk with them almost daily. We have visited every 6 years or so and it is difficult for me to explain the emotion when my now married daughters come to me, take my hand, look me in the eye, and express with deep emotion how grateful they are for being given the opportunity to live and thrive in a stable and safe country. We all need to make our own decisions, but making them for future generations of your family is a very grave position that you are in. Nice to whistle in the dark, but that does not turn the lights on…….
I different perspective Julie:. I moved to Europe in 1998, not because I wanted to flee South Africa, but simply because my husband was French and we decided to settle in Europe. The first two years were challenging, but over time I learned to embrace my new life filled with people from all over the world and beautiful different cultures. It enriched me as a person, taught me tolerance, kindness and to have an open mind when it comes to religion and issues that affect us all. After ten years in Europe we moved to Australia where we now have lived for the past eight years and the lessons I learned helped me to adjust easier and live a meaningful life. I do not want to be defined by the ground I walk on, the country I live in, but rather by my attitude towards life and the people around me and faraway. I never understand the need South Africans have to justify their own decisions and slam those of others, whether you are staying or decided to move (I have never come across another nation that judge each other like South Africans).
There are much to learn and give in our world today, not just in South Africa.
There is much need everywhere we go
There are new friends to be made everywhere we go
There are challenges everywhere we go
There is beauty everywhere we go
There is crime everywhere we go (some places more than others)
There are opportunities everywhere we go
In the end it is who you are as a person and how you relate to people and issues that affect us all. It shouldn`t be more important whether you help or share joy with someone in South Africa rather than another country, as long as you do it with an open heart.
I find many South Africans when they start arguing/discussing this issue, highly ignorant and intolerant and loose scope of what is really important. Be defined by who you are and not the ground you walk on. We can be enriched, make a difference and grow as a person anywhere we live in the world.
My point is; No matter what everyones reasons are, learned to not judge and be be tolerant towards one another. It is the only way this Whole world may become more peaceful.
Such an interesting topic, and one I have wrestled with for so long. I have now been in the UK for 2 years. It’s also a beautiful country with lovely people. We love South Africa and its people, I speak Zulu reasonably well, and we did many volunteer outreaches to the poor / orphanages etc.
Here’s a thing, my wife and i, in our mid 50’s, left the kids (no grown up) in South Africa when we left! However, we are ambassadors for South Africa, praising it at every opportunity, encouraging people we meet to holiday there soon!
So why did we leave?
*I believe God opened the door for us in a miraculous way
*The company I worked for had gone through a bitter strike. I was physically assaulted by an angry employee in the middle of the factory during broad daylight.My (black) and dear subordinate was shot and killed for coming to work during the strike! Threats required my home to need to be 24hr guarded, We had 4 break ins in the space of a few months. My wife and son have been personaly robbed 3 times in the last 10 years
*I applied for over 200 jobs in Capetown, and did not even receive one regret letter. Being a pale male over 50 is a serious disadvantage. Don’t have a large sum of money to be able to start my own business. I then applied for two jobs in UK, got interviewed for both, and was offered one, which I took.
I don’t care to compare two very different but lovely countries with very different circumstances, its just that opportunities at this stage of my life are more promising in UK.
I think it is a very individual decision that each person needs to weigh up, hear God and act. Only we ourselves will be held accountable for the decisions we make (or don’t make).
Love you all!
Well done on your tenacity and commitment to making SA better I take my hat off to you.
We left SA 7 years ago with two small kids and headed to our Anc country and have not looked back. We where lucky and things have just worked out well for us.
I would never advocate for anyone to leave or stay in SA, the truth is its a very personal decision with potentially major consequences no matter what you decide. We just looked at what was happening around us, used the information we had at hand and made the best decision we could based on those “facts”, off course our goal was to make life better for us and our kids, so we did look at things from that bias. But in the end my wife and I realised that if we don’t make the decision to go and to say good bye to our parents, in 20 years or so our kids may have to make that decision and say good bye to us. And the sooner our kids integrate into a new society the better for them, my wife and I will never fit in anywhere like we did in SA but the same thing applied to my ancestors that moved to SA all those years ago from Europe, and their offspring ended up loving SA (Look at you, no doubt descended from immigrants), So now we take the plunge but in years to come our kids will love it here.
My point is there is no right or wrong decision and in time it all equals out, did we desert family, friends and country? I don’t know, maybe…I know I was called up to defend my country years ago and I did, I know we paid our taxes, obeyed the laws and gave back, I know we love and will always love SA and I know our family and friends will always be there but in the end we moved because we thought and still do that it’s the best chance we can give our kids in an ever changing world.
I do miss SA though and will always love it….
I thought I would contribute a slightly different perspective.
15 years ago my parents moved to Australia “for the kids” and also for themselves, and I can honestly say that there is nothing in my life that I am more grateful for.
I am a lawyer, I have an Australian husband and I was able to purchase my first home at the age of 22. This country has given me more than I could ever have hoped for and to think, when I was 10 years old and my parents told me that we were moving to Australia I said to them that I refuse to go.
The sad and almost unbearable truth is that South Africa is a dying country. I have been back there now a number of times and I have experienced the incredible contrast between how my childhood friends live and how I live.
I can see the profound denial that my friends are in about their standard of living, which I can see clear as day is not how any person should live.
I cannot describe how refreshing it is to be able to leave my doors open at night, to live without bars on my windows, to drive through my home that is Perth and to experience the infrastructure available to me. I can sit on a bus without fear, I had free education and free medical care my entire life, my biggest complaint is that our former prime minister said something vaguely sexist during a radio interview last week.
No, Australia is not perfect but when we read about someone being murdered in our newspapers it is by all accounts a shocking and uncommon event.
Australians have been welcoming, they have been kind and most of my friends are Australian. I live a life that is wonderful, worry free and enriched by the country I live in and the people I live here with.
I would never have had that opportunity had it not been for my parents who decided to move to Australia, “for the kids.”
if you choose to leave a country for whatever reason that’s your decision . You aren’t abandoning anyone or leaving people behind – you are choosing to see the world and go on an adventure …. Why is it that every time a family leaves people have the need to make them feel guilty ?? Your family your choice – if staying or going don’t justify your choice just own it and live where you want to live and if you choose to go back – your choice too !! No guilt !! Just do what you need to do when you need to do it !!
Well, I don’t usually like to comment on blogs, but this one has certainly caught my attention. Mainly because just a second ago I saw a post from a friend which was a security video captured of a shoot out in a complex about 2km away from where my hubby used to live in Johannesburg.
We have been living in Brisbane, Australia for nearly 8 years. Our kids were born in Australia. We love South Africa, it will always be our home, BUT in saying that Brisbane is beautiful, we are so happy and it is so nice to feel safe everyday.
We visited both Cape Town and Johannesburg last year and they are like chalk and cheese. It is honestly like two different countries. Not everyone can move to Cape Town to have a better life.
I know I would never forgive myself if I moved back to South Africa (particularly Jo-burg) and something happened to my kids, because I know the dangers. Yes something could happen in Brisbane, but the chances are much lower.
My father was attacked and hijacked twice and I was help up all at our family home when we lived there. My dad was missing for hours, they locked him in the boot and left him in a field… Thanks goodness they didn’t kill him!!!
Im sorry for leaving South Africa and I will help out as much as I can by voting in Australia! But family IS more important to me than where I live and I know they will have an amazing, fulfilling and enriching life.
I don’t understand why everyone needs to write these blogs to try justify why they choose to live in SA or to leave… Seriously…. Just do what is best for you and your family and don’t worry about what others think, Don’t look back!!!
I appreciate your giving attitude but I am worried that you may be ignorant of what level of safety and piece of mind you can achieve for yourself and your children in a truly free and democratic country. I was ignorant until I moved and after a few years shed myself of this persistant fear for my own and my family’s safety. I am glad that you are determined to stay and make a difference but I hope you have taken the time to look at what life can and should look like.
I’m also pretty sure that walking around barefoot, helping the less fortunate, and learning to navigate life’s many challenges are opportunities open to kids that live outside of SA.
I was going to write a long blog in reply, but thought that most things have been mentioned before and wouldn’t serve much purpose for the reply and tends to be defended by both camps! So I’ll get right to the point of what I wanted to get across. This whole decision to stay or go all revolves around our needs and wants as a human. If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs ( if you are not familiar with it look here – http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html ) you can see that most South Africans can’t even fully fulfil the first two levels, being Physiological (breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, excretion) and Safety requirements(home, body, family, morality, health), never mind Love and Belonging, Esteem and Self-Actualisation, being the last three levels. Some very lucky South Africans with the right education and opportunities have achieved all, but they are very few. So those very few lucky South Africans that do live higher in the Hierarchy of Needs are constantly being dragged back into worrying about some things in the first two levels of the Hierarchy that for them should be a given. In essence their energy is spent looking after safety and physiological concerns rather than fulfilling their dreams and be the best human they can, wish to be and helping others. You could ignore these the impacts of the first two levels if you are not directly impacted and your needs are met and carry on living your dream, but if you get affected personally by any events that impact those requirements as a human you will fight to fix them for yourself and your children. There are two main ways, to fix it in South Africa! Give everybody the basic requirements in the hierarchy, change the government, the sentiment of others to want the same and live through all the trials and tribulations that it will bring and hope that you are not directly affected by it, so that you know your kids are able to fulfil their needs and wants in life! or Move to a place where it is easier for them to become the best human they can be and live their dreams the way they want to without having to worry about the basic needs that should be there for them. As you say it is for the kids! But kids become adults and then how are they going to live if those changes haven`t been made for them or couldn`t be made for them? As a parent you want the basic human needs met for them now and in the future! So gamble your kids basic human needs against the country`s future! It is a pretty easy decision for me! And that pretty much defines why people leave South Africa ‘for their kids` and why some stay ‘for their kids` too. Both have benefits, both have consequences!
Why is it that people find the act of immigration so offensive? We are moving in February – no not for the kids but for solid and proper reasons… we are super tired of hearing how all challenges in life are only experienced by skin colours other than white.
We are tired of paying ridiculous amounts of tax on everything but never reaping the rewards of proper functioning infrastructure and a stable economy. We are annoyed with the general mindset of entitlement which is running rife as well as empty promises and threats of uneducated socialist and or communist leaders disguised under the banner of democracy. To be honest South Africa has it’s perks yes like large yards and unique wildlife however this is not enough to make us stay. We are also pretty tired of “fixing” this country’s issues – ultimately there is no fix for the mindset in this country and everyone needs therapy – no matter what skin colour everyone is angry because of something.
I don’t find it offensive if people stay in South Africa nor when they immigrate. I believe life is a two way and instead of publicising an untrue picture of what South Africa has become and being politically correct the whole time, the only way this country will ever “get better” is to have real and proper conversations (the kind that is not politically correct), to take of the rose coloured glasses and to understand and respect why well educated people are leaving rather than bashing people who make decisions based on their own experiences and life goals.
No one is owed anything in life – you have to make it happen for yourself in South Africa or abroad.
I moved to aus 2 years ago and it was the best decision of my life. My only regret is not doing it sooner. The feeling of being able to walk alone on the beach, catch a train by yourself after midnight or sleep alone in a house without worrying and being scared is PRICELESS. In South Africa you actually forget how to feel free. I cannot remember the last time I saw burglar bars on windows. I see little kids walking alone to school in the mornings. I’ve had my belongings returned to me on 2 occasions when they have been lost on a bus and at the beach. People complain aus is expensive??? Guess what, I worked my ar$e off in a professional job in South Africa for 4 years and struggled with money. In Australia you can work as a cleaner, receptionist etc and have enough to have a car, rent a decent apartment, food and save a bit too. Sure aus is expensive, but the amount you earn is heaps more. In addition there is a brilliant public medical system, plus over $500 per fortnight dole benefits to help you out between jobs, far more if you have kids. There are gas bbqs for public use in parks etc etc etc. if your kids grow up in aus, they can study on government funding at uni, which they only have to pay back when they are working and earning over a certain amount, no interest and it’s paid back very slowly over many years. Australia has it’s own set of problems and yes there is crime in Australia, but there is no comparison when you look at the figures. I have made friends with many Aussies (despite being a shy person) as well as made friends with many South Africans here too. If you think that staying in South Africa to help the country is the right thing to do then you are fooling yourself as well as your family. How bad does it need to get, and how much worse does the rand need to fall before you realise South Africa is drowing? Most people that condem those leaving SA are those that can’t get out themselves. I’ve met hundreds of South Africans here in aus, never met one that wants to return, never.
Julie,
You say your kids go to excellent (public) schools? How do you know? Which standard is your baseline for comparison?
I lived in Belgium for 12 years and experienced first-hand my 3 step-children going to primary school, then high school and now university, and Julie, I can tell you this – a South African education will do your kids no favours. Belgian children are encouraged from preschool to become critical thinkers. Even the most basic form of secondary education contains a level of mathematics that would make most matrics’ eyes water. Over here they are still studying Latin – in high school.
And no matter how “intellectually impoverished” the child, they all cope (even the autistic 15-year-old), because there is a well functioning, state-funded network in place to nurture these kids. And it’s free.
And when the time comes, if you can, please send your kids to university overseas, because if they try to get a job in Europe with a South African university degree (like I did), they’ll be looking for work for a very long time (it took me 3 years to land my first job). The standards of our universities are falling every year and very soon a degree will mean nothing.
Overseas your kids will get degrees from institutions that are respected internationally and (at least in Belgium) it will cost you nothing.
I love my country, but I cannot be blind to how much higher the standard of living is in Belgium, and how many more opportunities are presented to kids there, not because their parents have money, but because that’s just how the Belgian system works.
Your kids may be able to run around the pool bare foot, but what good will that do them when they are adults and can’t find work outside of South Africa because their education is worthless by international standards? The world is small, today more people than ever live in multiple countries in one life time. Don’t deny your children that opportunity.
And please don’t say the schools are the best if you’ve never been exposed to any other education system (like I did when I first moved to Belgium). Living in Europe was a total eye-opened for me and it has forced me to rethink a lot of my perceptions of South Africa.
Megan
Lovely sentimental article but I fear that you are looking past the real threats. What about when you children grow up and cannot get a job? Or when they cannot enjoy the natural beauty such as the beaches etc., on public holidays for fears of intimidation and overcrowding! When they turn 18 they will want to set out and see the world. That is when they discover that the lives we live in SA are not normal Things such as burglar guards on windows, carrying a firearm for protection, having to set an alarm system in your own home, not feeling safe going out alone at night etc etc etc.
They will then scatter far and wide to pastures green and if you are lucky you get to see them and your grand-children once a year!
No thanks. That is why we moved to the UK to be with our two daughters and their families. We get to see our children and grandchildren almost every day. My one pound is worth 22 of your rands.
Better to light one candle than moan about the darkness.
We’ve been living in the UK for 9 years now. We desperately want to move to the Western Cape.
Let me tell you all in SA, you will be a foreigner in another country, you will be treated as a foreigner, you will never feel at home and settled. Bad things happens everywhere. Your children won’t see their cousins and grandparents like all their friends at their school will. You will be alone at Christmas and birthdays.
They spent 10 months of the year indoors because of the constant cold, wet and grey weather. Yes the schools and national health service is free, but the cost of living is very expensive. If you want to go on a proper beach holiday, you will have to fly to a European country, which cost us no less than £3500 for 2 weeks for a family of 5.
The people in the USA are warmer and kinder people than those in the UK, Australia and New Zealand, most of the whites in these countries are racists towards whites from foreign countries and look down on them. Let me give you an example. A friend of mine is an occupational therapist. When she and her team (all foreign white members) arrived at a school one morning to work with some children, one of the english teachers asked her: “Why do they send a team with only foreigners and no english therapists?” So no matter what your occupation is, you will get it.
Rather move to a safer part of SA than leaving the country.
Agree wholeheartedly Caroline! This post is so one sided, and tries to make it look like we’re using the kids, but we would most certainly never leave if it wasn’t for our children. We are sacrificing everything FOR our children. Leaving behind everyone and everything we’ve ever known only to start from zero elsewhere just so that they may be whatever they want to be one day regardless of their skin colour.
I do hope that you all stay safe but to be the devils advocate here which one needs to be sometimes to be realistic, what if something happens to one of your kids that could have been avoided if you had not stayed? Can you live with the guilt? I don’t think I could. That’s why I’m in the uk. I live in the Devon countryside where if you here about 1 crime every 9 months or so that’s a lot.
I don’t know if I have made the right decision but at least my baby won’t be in danger. Myself and my hubby will also be in less danger. Our boy needs us!
People will never agree on this topic, as there is no one solution that suits everybody. Those that stay assert their position vehemently, to stamp out any doubt that they’ve made the wrong decision. Those that leave, do exactly the same thing.
We grew up in a “good neighbourhood” in Durban, where my mother had a gun held to her head on two separate occasions outside our house while she was relieved of her vehicle. It is a statistical anomaly that she walked away un-scathed/killed/raped both times, although she will carry the emotional damage always.
In this same neighbourhood, a close friend’s brother was shot to death during a home invasion late on new years eve, as he tried to protect his family on a night filled with friends and celebration.
My ex-girlfriend was raped during daylight hours in the campus bathroom of once of South Africa’s most prestigious universities.
Saying that these things happen in all countries is true yet completely meaningless statement, because it is the extent to which they happen that makes it unacceptable. Having lived in the UK, USA & Canada and now moving (hopefully for good) to Australia, every single”foreigner” I have told these stories to has listened incredulously. Yet people from SA are not shocked, as they all have similar stories of their own – they simply nod their heads knowingly. Many have stories far worse than mine.
My parents came very close to emigrating to the States when I was young, and if they had gone through with it, that would have made it much easier for me. But now I am the one forced to make the difficult decision, wasting valuable years finding the right place to be. My wife is not South African, and if anything happened to her or our future children after moving back, that would be unbearable.
Sadly, there is no one solution for everyone, and many do not even have a choice. It is the apartheid of yesteryear which has led to the apart-ness of today.
The reasons given for staying are Pie in the sky rubbish. You might be dead tomorrow from a hijacking or mugging which do happen in other countries but at a thousandth of the frequency. You can have grand ideas of running a business and providing employment for the masses but without electricity this is not possible. I know because my son has machines that waste thousands of rands when the power goes off. Stay and educate your children who go to a south African University and then find that they cant find work in SA because of affirmative action and end up leaving SA to find a decent job leaving parents alone in SA only to find that other countries do not accept their qualifications and they have to re-qualify in the new country. With noble ideas that you can make a difference amid having your stuff stolen at every turn and being attacked by your own gardener or house helper you are living in a fools paradise. I will agree that the lifestyle used to be good but even though the beaches are amazing I could not use my local beach anymore because it was too dangerous. Sardinia bay beach in Port Elizabeth is still one of the best beaches in the world but what good is that if you cannot use it. How can you enjoy fishing at Swartkops river if every time you go fishing your car is broken into and the radio is stolen. I will agree that it is one of the hardest things in the world to emigrate but the peace of mind that there is a future in a first world country like NZ, Aus or Canada and where your children will probably be close to you for the rest of your life and if you go to an old age place your stuff is not stolen, is amazing.
It seems Julie, Terran and their 5 healthy kids Eli, Fyn, Ivy,Sam and Charlie all have a fairly privileged lifestyle – beach, swimming pool, enough money to support a family of 7. They live in an area where Govt schools are good. What not to like? But their lifestyle is not necessarily a barometer for others. And I bet a couple of their children leave the country one day for better pastures. For your blog to be real why you don’t you find a set of families who are truly dithering about whether to leave or not for better reasons than a beach or swimming pool and bare feet? Obviously a black family of 7 from a disadvantaged area would not even be able to think of leaving the country, so how do you present a blog that gives different views? This blog is merely one man’s opinion against another’s opinion. All fluff really.
Personal circumstances dictate each person’s decision to stay or leave. A near death experience will make up your mind very quickly to leave the RSA. Those who stay are constantly looking over their shoulders, stay at home after dark, barricade themselves in their homes, avoid lonely walks on our beautiful the beaches and mountains. While they are doing the above they watch the Rand plummet, the RSA approach Junk Status, the uncontrollable slaughter on our roads, the elite connected few become billionaires overnight, the declining standard of education, the very real prospect of long term unemployment, a government that is lurching from one crisis to another and is simply incapable of solving all the above mentioned problems. If you are wealthy upperclass then sure the RSA is a beatifull place for you because you can afford to protect yourself from all the challenges and dangers that the ordinary South African has to face each day.
If anyone would like to partake in my new series where i focus on the decisions that have lead parents/people to move or stay in South Africa i would love to hear from you. My aim is to give everyone a chance to tell us how they feel and what really lies deep in their hearts for our country. You could be living abroad, about to leave or swearing to stay, i want to hear from all of you! Please email me at leeloobaggins@hotmail.com and i will send young outline with some questions to answer. This series will published every Thursday. I look forward to hearing from you 🙂
I saw the economic forecast and left straight after uni with my now wife some 11 years ago. We are now happily settled with great jobs (both with BA’s), a v good house in the ‘burbs and a solid outlook on life.
I left for ‘me’ but I can already see the benefit that it will bring my kids too. They are turning into wonderful characters in a different kind of normal. Just because they can’t eat watermelon by the pool everyday doesn’t mean they are having a kak childhood. Try walking around the National Portrait Gallery on a Saturday or visiting a new country every time you holiday instead!
I don’t ever moan about South Africa, but please don’t kid yourself and say that SA is all that. It certainly ain’t.
See you at the beach…
Chris, I never said that your kids would be sentenced to a bad childhood elsewhere. I’m happy for you and your kids that you have such a wonderful lifestyle.
We moved to Sydney for our kids 17 years ago after their grand parents got attacked one Sunday afternoon in Pretoria ( father in law was murdered) What you should do is to talk to my kids , I’ll happily introduce you to them. They are all highly qualified ,working and two have started families and love their new lives here in Australia. We visit SA once a year and it is interesting to see our kids meet up with a handfull of old school mates that are still left in SA. The majority of their friends are either in London, Australia or elsewhere but all the ones that are left talk about is looking for opportunities elsewhere overseas. So, we are extremely happy we did the move for our kids and they more so than us.
We moved when the R4:50 =$1:00 and apart of the main reason that we are doing it for our kids all the other things like the Rand sliding, the increased crime has become a bigger worry than we anticipated.The biggest reality when moving to any country especially with 5 little ones is that daycare in Sydney will cost you around a $100 per child per day…and I guess that both of you will have to work unless you are loaded …..but maybe you have figured it out and done the math and decided that two nannies a month will be cheaper that having two kids at daycare for one day.
The biggest worry you should have is becoming a financial refugee in your own country and can’t educate your kids properly …but then who knows you are probably loaded.
Not sure if this thread is still open but I will chime in with my two cents worth. I’m a Saffa who is married to an Aussie whom I met in London and we now live in Melbourne. And I will say that it’s not easy to start fresh in Australia, probably the same as it’s not easy to start fresh anywhere, making friends and finding your place is not easy. It’s been a lot easier for me because I can plug into the social/family network of my wife. Having said that (most) Australians are welcoming to newcomers but are naturally hesitant of people they don’t know or can’t easily place. My best aussie mates tend to be out of state guys who likewise don’t fit into Melbourne’s cliques, but anyone who has tried to move to Cape Town will know exactly what I’m talking about! Nevertheless I have S. African friends here who love it and won’t consider going back because the price of never having to look over over your shoulder every second of the day is a freedom that can only be experienced to be truly understood. But moving is not going to be an instant dream, especially if you are expecting moving into a big, comfy home with a swimming pool and a garden for the kids to roam. There are no servants to relieve the burden and if you have kids and want a night out be prepared to plan 2 weeks ahead to secure a babysitter who will cost R200(equivalent) an hour if you are lucky.