It’s not often I don’t find myself mourning the loss of what once was when it comes to my kids growing up.  It’s  all going a little too fast for my liking and I  feel the desperate urge to command time to slow down, to allow me to savour these precious years at my own pace. (Damn you time in your your perfect scientific reality!)

I think about how fast the last few years have gone and it reminds me that, in the blink of an eye they are going to be in big school and their baby/toddler years are going to be a distant memory. I think it’s safe to say that, for the most part I get away with trying to ram in as many kisses as cuddles as time will allow. Already my 5 year-old is telling me  “Don’t call me darling, I’m not your darling.” I hate the fact that they are unaffected by the speed at which they are growing up, completely unperturbed by the fact that I sob myself to sleep at night.

But lying in bed last the last few nights it has begun to slowly dawn on me. So far, their maturing and turning of ages has yet to bring with it any disappointment.  Every day with them just keeps getting better! Each age and phase they go through offers us new and beautiful experiences and the beauty in bearing witness to these seasons is simply magical.

I have begun to notice a certain maturity in Noah that wasn’t there before and he is changing almost on a daily basis now.  I may mourn the loss of my little boy but my eyes are beginning to open to the endless joy and excitement that awaits us as he matures into big boy.

I used to worry that we wouldn’t be as close or that we wouldn’t need each other as much. I used to worry I would feel like my job was done and that the hard work of feeding him and helping him learn to do things on his own would mean I wouldn’t be needed as much. I used to think that as he entered this new phase of his development that his independence would get in the way of our relationship. But I’m starting to see that I have had it all wrong – all along. Or at least I hope I have.

He may not need me to feed him or dress him, but he needs me to explain why things happen the way they do. He may not need to hold my hand , but he still needs me near by and my hand will always be there should he need it.  I’m starting to realise that he simply needs me in a different way. If anything a more meaningful way. As he get older he will need me for different things – lifts to friends, making him snacks for study breaks, cheering him on at soccer matches and after school coffee dates before cricket practice.  Eventually he may need me to make sense of dating girls and his first heartbreak. Fast froward 100 years and I will be needed to look after his children and tell him “I told you so”.

You see there are so many things about him growing up that have brought us even closer! Like being able to express his feelings better and tell me things he usually never would. He seems to  have a deeper understanding of how the world works and is more aware of my feelings, not only his own.  He understands the dynamics of friendship so much better and isn’t only  worried about things that concern him. He has become more courteous to those around him and loves to tell me about his day and what he wants to be when he grows up.

As he tells me these dreams of what he want to be,  I feel my heart pinch again. BUT I remind myself that just as I am LOVING this phase, so will I enjoy the high school phase  when we find ourselves in Grade 12,  helping him decide what he wants to do with his life.

enjoying my children in every phase and season

I’m learning that each and every phase is a gift and instead of wasting energy on trying to slow down time, I need to suck the marrow out of the now and enjoy each and every experience my beautiful children offer me. Even if that means accepting that Noah has decided to call me Mother instead of Mommy.

How do you feel about your kids getting bigger? Hopefully this has opened your eyes too to the magic that awaits.

 

Hi I’m Leigh! Did you enjoy reading this post? I really hope so and would love you to stick around a little longer! Please feel free to browse my blog for other articles or to keep up with all the latest news and to be the first to hear about some great competitions, come and find me me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also email me directly at leeloobaggins@hotmail.com or simply subscribe below and never worry about missing out!
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