You know that good ol’ saying “I went form Hero to zero”? Yes? Well these 6 little words seem to describe me so aptly right now. I feel like I am WINNING at life one moment only to feel like I’m being kicked to the ground the next. It’s such a freaking rollercoaster ride. I’m worse than my four year-old some days.
Case in point….
Last week Thursday, things were going surprisingly well. I had had a good day with the kids (lately good days are solely based on whether little madam has slept or not, there are not many variables to the equation) and we had made it to dinner time fairly unscathed and with minimal sibling conflict. I should’ve known better, because it’s usually when things seem like they are going seemingly well, that the universe likes to remind you whose boss and sink it’s pearly whites into your ass. (I’m sorry, so much talk about my ass lately)
But like I was saying, I had managed to get some work done, do about 4000 lifts in 60 degree heat, keep a miserable baby (semi) content, make a batch of baby food, do homework with Noah and even spend some time with my kids. You know, actually enjoying them and hanging out. I even managed to get some delicious fresh fish to cook for our supper and made sure everything was on the go before dad got home at 6.
The boys played with dad outside on the lawn while I fed Hunter her home-made food and I was generally winning at mom life. We came in and I started plating up our food when Brody began moaning and screaming for water. I was in the middle of talking to Brendon so calmly asked him to come and ask me nicely. He carried on moaning and carried on and carried on and carried on……. And I snapped. I threw the pan with our fish in it down onto the stove and stormed over to him asking what on earth was wrong with him that he couldn’t do it himself. I laid him to him about how I do so much and how he needs to stop moaning and ask nicely and speak like a big boy and use his perfectly good legs to do it himself and stop being so emotional and so demanding and and and….
I got so cross with him in that moment. Like SO angry my teeth were going to be ground down to nothing if I didn’t calm the heck down and take a breath. How could I have been so relaxed and happy one minutes before and seething the next?
It later dawned on me how quickly things can change. How I could literally go from being calm and happy to so severely pissed off and angry in a matter of seconds. How I could literally go from Hero To Zero in no time at all. And I think I know why. (I’ve had some time to make sense of this you see!)
As moms (and dads) we carry the stresses of everyday life with kids on our shoulders. We suck it up and do what we need to do. We feel the weight of every little demand and every nagging plea and put on a brave face in front of strangers in the grocery shop. We endure the gravity of the small things every single day. We hold it all together for as long as we possibly can, but eventually it’s the smallest thing that tips us over the edge and we SNAP! We are wound up so tightly, always watching our kids as they cross the road, our toddlers as they play on the jungle gym or walk on front of a swing. Always needing to be aware of where they are and to run to their aid if they need us. We never switch off, our guards are always up and and our defences ready to kick in at any given time. Because we are moms.
Having eyes at the back of my head has never been more of a reality that it is for me right now with three small little children to take care of everyday. And as much as my older two are pretty street smart and independent there are certain things that I will be doing for them for at least another three years before I can relax and know they will be fine.
I guess what it boils down to is not letting things escalate and recognising these feelings before they reach the point of no return. I don’t want to be a screaming lunatic of a mom guys. What helps you calm down before you lose it with your kids? Any advice?