Let me start by saying this. I was married into what my family refers to as Geary’s luck. It all started the day after I got married where we arrived at the airport a whole day earlier than our flight was due to whisk us off to Mauritius for honeymoon. At that stage we had handed in our key to the gorgeous bed and breakfast we stayed in the night before (all 4 hours as our flight was at 6am) and we had given our apartment keys to our friends in the case of an emergency. We landed up at CT Internationals Juicy Lucy at 5am with nowhere to go. Needless to say, going back to my folks place the very day after our wedding was not the way I envisioned our first morning together as a married couple. We eventually got on our flight, THE NEXT DAY but it didn’t end there. Our luggage didn’t arrive on the other side and we were the losers waiting at the carrousel for bags that never came. The ONLY people whose bags didn’t arrive. How? Plain and simple. Bad luck.
Like most things with luck, things tend to snowball because in my luggage bag making its way to us over the blue waters, on a separate flight, that we would only receive the following day, in my small travel cosmetics bag was my contraceptive pill. BLIMEY! We didn’t want any honeymoon babies! Well that was 6 years ago to the day and even though the travel agent checking us in a day earlier said Honey, one day you will laugh at this, I still can barely manage to tell that story without getting my feathers all fluffed and ruffled. I think its because that was the first of many unfortunate stories that have since played out.
I really don’t mean to sound negative and forgive me if I do. You see I don’t really believe in bad luck, but there is no denying something shifted in the universe the day I said I do. So it’s really no surprise that just like my last pregnancy and birth, there was very little chance that this one would be any less straightforward. Let me get to the point.
I am currently in a hospital bed after being admitted yesterday morning for bleeding and where every 2 hours I am either jabbed with shots or tied up to machines to monitor my baby’s vital signs. I’m only 31 weeks and the little life inside me is not even weighing in at 2 kilos yet. He needs to stay put for at least another month, preferably 2! And although things are calm and stable now, it’s not a nice thing to go through. And it makes me wonder even more:. Why cant things just be normal for me? What is the universe or God trying to show me? I thought I had done my time in hospitals. I thought I deserved a break.
Why do I always get the bad prawn in pot of curry? Why do I fall into the 1 in million chance of doctors hitting nerves during post birth surgery with my first son? Why do I always get glass in my foot at weddings despite being the only one that doesn’t take their shoes off? Why is that I find out my passport expires a week before I’m due to travel? I could go on and on:..
But you see: the one good thing about having all this time to myself (besides being able to complete a blog post in one sitting) is having the time to reflect and really think about what it is I truly believe. The more I lie here and think about the hand i’ve been dealt, the more I realize how blessed I am. How cloudy my vision has gotten. Far too long have I carried around with me this negative label of being the down trodden, the weak, the sad case, the unlucky. But seriously, what for Pete’s sake am I talking about? How can I be so blind? I’m not even going to get into how there are starving children in the world and how far worse things happen to far better people than myself. All I need to remind myself of is that I have so many more reasons to celebrate and be happy and positive than I do to sit and mope when things do get tough. Life happens and I need to learn to embrace the bad stuff and face it head on. I don’t need to accept the negative feelings in order to deal with them. I don’t need to accept the fact that if there is a bad prawn in that pot of curry, ill get it. I may need accept that I just can’t eat prawn curry again without the risk involved. 🙂
And while I was really hoping this would in fact be a straightforward pregnancy, maybe I need to let go and trust that God knows best. Maybe I need to learn to stop being so controlling, so dramatic, so NEGATIVE!
Right now I am sitting in a hospital that we can afford, where I am being monitored and looked after with the best medical staff. I don’t have to work and for the for time in two years i’m having three SIT DOWN meals a day: in bed! They may not be gourmet meals but I can eat in peace and quiet. It’s the small luxuries! My son (the reason my heart pumps!) is being looked after by his adoring Gagi, a woman who is ALWAYS there for us. A woman who loves Noah like her own. And my dad, although in New York on business has not stopped texting me with encouraging words and well, my friends have showered me with love and care since I stepped foot in here. I don’t see any bad luck there. I see love and concern, a full life of people and family and unwavering support. And lets not forget, a husband who has called me 4 times today already to find out what I need.
And the most important thing in this situation is that right now my unborn child is safe and sound in his mommy’s womb, right where he should be and if anything changes, I know I have the support of all these people.
I need to remember too, nobody said this life was going to be easy. I may have many more hard times ahead of me, but the sooner I let go of the negative attitude and shake off the bad luck label I have allowed to settle over my life, the sooner I will be able to embrace this life to the fullest. I don’t want to be tainted by all the things that have gone wrong. I want to learn from them, experience whatever God is trying to teach me and walk out of them a stronger and wiser woman, knowing I can face anything life throws at me. Starting right now. In the most uncertain of circumstances.