What is it about children’s birthdays that have the potential to turn a mother into a sobbing, unconsolable mess? Please don’t tell me I’m all alone here guys. Today my “baby” turns 3 and once again before I had even had my first cup of tea this morning, I found myself teary eyed and with a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat.
A lump that really feels like three years of time this boy has been with us. A lump the size of all the life he has breathed in and been apart of our family. A lump in the shape of beating hearts, entwined hands and carefree smiles. A lump that looks like growing up – from the tiny baby I birthed three years ago to the little boy he has become. A lump filled with memories, our very own special journey.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!!
I’m not sure why I always feel such a deep sense of loss – I mean it really is a day to be celebrated – especially in his mind where growing up is high on his list of priorities. A day where he gets to soak up all the attention from friends and eat cake and receive gifts.
And yet, I cry. Every single year I cry for what once was and the realty that he is going to keep getting bigger. I cry because all the things I wanted to be over, like the nappies and rocking to sleep, are now over and I would do anything to get them back. I cry because he doesn’t need me as much anymore. I cry because he won’t let me put his shoes on or cut up his food. I cry because he doesn’t cuddle me for longer than 10 seconds anymore. I cry because people were right – It’s all over too soon.
But I know I have so much to be happy and thankful for – three healthy years with no major illnesses or broken bones, a child with a beautiful sense of adventure and a healthy independence. I’m so grateful I get to wake up to his cute face everyday and know he is going to surprise the pants off us. The laughs and giggles waiting to be had every day and the knowing that he is going to continue to blow our minds for each and every day he walks this earth.
It really does just keep getting better and better.
So here’s to you my Brody bear, the little person who turns my insides to goo and lights up my life in every possible way. You are such a beautiful soul and I’m SO proud to be your Mama. Happy Birthday my little 3- year old – May this day be filled with all your favourite things. I sure do hope I’m still one of them.