Dear neighbour,

This letter serves to inform you that my children are still very much alive. It also serves to inform you that there is no need to call social services. While noise levels have definitely escalated over the last 10 days and my constant screaming, without a doubt, permeated our very walls, i can assure you my children are unharmed. Well I’m pretty certain they have not been physically harmed, the question of them being emotionally scarred is still questionable. I promise to send them to therapy if they show signs of verbal abuse.

That night you heard my son standing outside our door screaming was simply me giving him the opportunity to go and find another mother, IF he was not happy with the one he has. After another bratty screaming match over god knows what, after breaking my back all day i lost it. It was either I let him sit outside for 2 minutes so we could both cool off, or do something that might very well have had social services at my door the next day. Once again, i apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Earlier in the week you may have seen us enjoying a lovely afternoon outside, enjoying the sun and getting some air.I was actually thinking that this might have been the answer to their particularly bad behaviour that but if you were watching you would have seen things turn pair shaped when my boys began smacking each other over stone shouting “I had it first!!!” What transpired was a 20 minute conversation over the silliness of the matter and threatening they either share the stone or we go inside. Both carried on screaming until i buried my head in my arms and shouted “Oh come ooooooooon you two…..GET OVER YOURSELVES!!” You probably laughed as i dragged them into the house by their ears.

When you woke up this morning at the crack because our shouting had commenced bright an early, I’m sure you nudged your husband/wife in bed and said “Oh for the love of God please call the police. Or do something!!!” I can appreciate your frustration and anger. You see my 4-year-old was having yet another meltdown and i had nothing left to give to him (in the patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control department) and what you heard was the sound of my heart breaking in a million pieces. Yes over the slamming doors and high pitched screaming.

But you can all breath a huge sigh of relief because my husband is home. While it may have been a pretty close call, my children are alive and well and probably extremely relieved that I’m no longer the only parent in the house.

This letter also serves to inform you that I’m usually a very good mom so please don’t let our last week’s behaviour stop you from inviting us to little Tommies birthday or knocking on our door for a cup of sugar the next time you run out. I can assure you, I’m a nice person and will even invite you in for tea.

I hope this letter has been well received and that we can still greet each other without judgement in the driveway.

Yours faithfully,

your neighbour

Mrs Geary

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