Guys I went into the Two Oceans Marathon training GUNS BLAZING!! I went in strong thinking I could do it. That with the right amount of commitment and dedication, I could possibly run my fist ever half marathon.
But, I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I feel like I don’t have what it takes to run 21 kilometres. I mean do I? Have I trained enough? Truth is I don’t feel like I’m getting any fitter. NOT. AT. ALL. I feel like the more I run the harder it gets. Is that just my mind playing tricks on me again? Telling me I can’t before I’ve even tried?
The most i’ve run is 12 kilometres and funny enough on that long run I think I could have kept going. But lately every time I hit the road I’m hearing those voices telling me it’s too hard, too long, too much effort. Now I know what all you long distance athletes are going to say….. “Common girl, push yourself it’s not that hard!” or ” Nothing amazing never was easy or came without a price!” But at this point in time, it really feels impossible. I need to run at least 15 kilometres before the big day. And I really need to start doing some hills as part of that training otherwise I have another thing coming.
I know I can’t back out now. I know that. As much as I would like to tell the little devil on my shoulder he’s right… I know I can’t let him win! Because if I did I would giving all the otters voices in my head the power too. It would be slippery slope down to where I know I don’t want to be. A place of self-doubt and second guessing, a place where I don’t believe in myself or trust my capabilities. I don’t like that place one bit.
So this is my promise to myself. I’m running this freaking marathon. Come rain or shine, Come sore back and achy feet. Come blood, sweat and tears. All the tears. I may not be brave and I may be a bit shaky on my feet for that final stretch but I’m going to be one thing…. Determined!