Don’t pretend you have idea what I’m talking about. Don’t pretend you are the exception to the rule ok? Let’s, for the sake of honesty and the bond of sisterhood, just say it out lout and clear in unison. “The things my husband used do when we first started dating were cute. Now they just irritate the crap out me”
It’s better for everyone if we just agree on this for the get go right? I mean there’s no ways you’re still enjoying his post-shower dance routine in the nude or that lovely little ass-slap he plants crisply on your naked behind as you struggle to find something to wear. I mean FFS! Does he not know that the reason you are standing in front of your cupboard for that length of time is because you already feel gross and fat in everything you’ve tried on? Why then, does he feel the need to bring attention to the fact that your saggy ass no longer owns a cheeky slap like it used to? Still they do it, with as much dedication as they did all those years ago, completely unbeknown to the fact that you want to strangle them every single time. NO? Just me?
I’m guessing most of you are with me now and understanding where I’m going with this? Already most of you are thinking of all those cute, endearing little things they used to do. Things that just get you pissed off now. Let’s unpack a few more shall we?
- Cooking you a romantic dinner – I mean what’s getting to know a guy properly without having them cook for you? This first few dinners at home where he would plan the ingredients, do the shopping and pull off a master-chef inspired dish as you sat chatting to him drinking wine at the kitchen counter. Fast-forward a couple of years and the situation is little like this: He asks YOU to buy all the stuff for the dish (which we all know is possibly the worst part), he still cooks up a storm only now he uses every single dish, pot, pan, knife and ladle in sight and but he end of it your kitchen resembles a bomb site. He serves you dinner (usually something that he’s been craving all week) and then retires to the couch with his beer. You are left cleaning the kitchen for days afterwards and he takes all the credit for “giving you a night off from cooking”? Screw that.
- Playing X-Box like a teenager. In the beginning you think it’s so cute. You may go as far to say it’s sexy. A grown-up man who hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to be a kid and who can still have fun. Plus rather them be at home than out and about till all hours of the morning where you worry about everything from which ex- girlfriends they have run into to how many beers that have had before getting behind the wheel. Fast- forward several years and it’s all “Just grow up already!! How old are you? Like 10? Can you please for the love of sanity turn the volume down on that thing?'” or like me this passed weekend, “You do know you are not actually Tony Hawk hey babe? You do know that you aren’t really skating and skimming pool rims?” Aaagh bless him.
- The same goes for their wicked sense of humour. In the beginning it’s like ” I want a man who can make me laugh and knows how to relax and not take life so seriously.” Now days you wonder how it is you found his stupid jokes so darn funny in the first place. And why it is they laugh as the most inappropriate and ridiculous stuff is just confusing. And at times a real concern. Now days it’s all “Can you JUST FOR ONCE not be such a joker and take me seriously?? Can you come out of whatever little world you are in right now and just validate my feelings on this? Not everything is one fat joke” To which, nine out ten times he laughs in your face.
- Then there’s that one little….. what should we call it? Idosyncrassy? That one little thing that most guys will have that stands out. Something cute that you find irresistible in the beginning. You know, that quirky little thing that sets them apart from all other human beings. It could be a snort at the end of a laugh or a the way they brush their teeth while taking a leak. Maybe it’s the way he leaves his shoes by the front door as he gets home every evening or I dunno they way he taps his hand to the sound of a music beat. Aaaaagh it’s all so cuuuuuuute in the beginning. You just want to bottle them up and savour all the cuteness hey? You LOVE tidying up after him and making sure his shoes are put back in their place. Fast-forward ten years and the tapping is doing your head in so severely you aren’t really sure you’re a legally sane person anymore. Those cute, sweet, endearing little quirks now have you planning out a 12 step execution plan in your head as you lie awake at night. It’s all fun and games till someone someone loses their shit right?
- In the beginning they are passionate and creative geniuses! You literally stand in awe as they spend hours taking something apart only to put it back again. You love that they are so darn focussed on their craft – be it beer making, guitar, producing music or building a Lego spaceship. Now days, you wonder what on earth is next! How many fingers and how many pies does this guy actually have? And let’s be really honest while we’re at it, can we just stick to one thing? One week we are launching a new beer and the next we talking about starting band. Because you know, our lives aren’t busy enough as it is.
In all honesty I don’t really despise these things as much as I say I do. I mean I adore my hubs and that means embracing all of him right? But there is something to be said for how we endure so much more, that much graciously in the early days. Are we just more patient? Are our heads on cloud 9?
I would like to think of it like this : If I’ve managed to endure all these things (and so much more), then that must mean, deep down, I really love the guy – that I would stand through the most painful DJ show at 5am in the middle of a hot and sweaty crowd in Amsterdam, because man alive I love this man. (Yup, that happened!) And while I joke and will openly admit that his cute quirks have slowly evolved into sanity- sucking, wall -punching traits, i will say this : At the end of the day if I could change anything about him at all, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Because these are all the things that make up who he is and who he has become. I may not embrace all of him at every moment life presents but I do love that he is who is with me. Even if that means lying awake at night listening to his hand tap the pillow as he recreates the beats in his music- crazy head. Because, when it’s all said and done, these would be the very things I miss most about him if ever he were no longer there.
Hi I’m Leigh! Did you enjoy reading this post? I really hope so and would love you to stick around a little longer! Please feel free to browse my blog for other articles or to keep up with all the latest news and to be the first to hear about some great competitions, come and find me me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You can also email me directly at leeloobaggins@hotmail.com or simply subscribe below and never worry about missing out!
I can relate to being married to an entertainer… not as a career but he really goes out of his way to make everyone laugh. He was so friendly to everyone when we met and up to now he still talks to anyone willing to listen everywhere we go. Not so much fun if I am in a hurry… which is 90% of the time.
I agree with some of what you’re saying and, as a man, I can relate to some of the dumb things we do. I think there is a balance between trying to be the joker and then trying to emulate the strong, silent type, who is so-oo serious all the time. There are times for an amusing quip and times when we really need to be in the moment and propertly listen to what our wives/partners/girlfriends are telling us. They’re talking to us for a reason and they deserve the respect to be heard.
But I think that perhaps the most irritating of our failings (yes, I am referring to all men here and I am generalising) is that we seem to hare is the inability to quickly admit that we’re wrong. My late dad never (ever) admitted he was wrong (even when it was blindingly obvious that he was wrong) and I hated that attitude.
So, if there’s one thing we need to do to help are relationships, is to hold our hands up and admit an error, or admit that something hasn’t been done, or whatever it is that should or should not have happened. In the early days of our relationship I would argue that, for whatever reason, I was really right or that my course of action was justified. This led to a protracted and needless argument, which was ended by an admission of guilt or whatever.
The problem is that most men probably assume that it is the manly thing not to admit an error or that you were wrong, but it is a sign of immaturity and naivity to stubbornly argue you are right. It is a sign of maturity and strength to admit that you are wrong, and it is by far the better approach to life. You can quickly rectify a problem and you don’t spend hours winding up your partner. There are enough arguments in the world, so why not do all you can to avoid them in the home?
You can also take the same mindset into the office and you will find that it works wonders too.
After all, what’s the worst that can happen if you tell your boss or a client that you haven’t done something (when you said you would), but you will do X, Y or Z to rectify it? They won’t tear a strip off you because you have already admitted the error (just try it, you will be amazed at their reaction). It is far better than putting your head in the sand and hoping no-one finds out.
Wow Simon thanks for this – love that as a man you have had these moments of clarity 🙂 It was really just a fun article expected to get tickle a few funny bones – I’m certain women drive their husbands nuts too with some of the quirks 🙂 Thanks for stopping by 🙂